So you’re deployed and there are missions, deadlines, stress and long hours. What do you think of to set your mind at ease, to bring you back to reality, to keep you grounded, or to keep you sane? Your family? Your pets? Your home?

Most of us have made the pact with ourselves that “when I get out of this hole I am going to...” Unfortunately, that is where the pact begins and ends. We get home and we don’t spend more time with the family or play fetch with the dog. We don’t go fishing or build that deck. We forget too easily about those times when just the sound of our family’s voice was a comfort to us after a hard day or a rough time while deployed.

I am not saying to skip work and stay home, but I am saying that when close of business comes around and you have nothing so pressing that it cannot wait until the next day-go home. Do not stand around and shoot the breeze with people. People with whom you have most likely already spent the entire day with, go home.

At some point in your life, you are going to ETS or retire from the Army and it is at that point in time when the Army will no longer need your services. What will you retire to? Will it be the retirement you dreamed of where you get to travel or enjoy the outdoors or will you and your spouse realize that spending time with each other is not what you thought it would be?

You prepare yourself for combat with intense training and by increasing your knowledge of the tactics, techniques, and procedures that will ensure a successful mission. Why don’t we do this with our families and our free time?

I was the 1st Sgt. who worked nonstop throughout the night to do tasks that I should have delegated down to my Platoon Sergeants, I strike for perfection and I know “if you want it done right….” So I just did it myself. I was not doing myself, my NCOs, or my family any favors by doing it all.

My wife and I attended a chaplain’s marriage retreat a few years ago. It was the first one I had ever been on in my career, but it will not be the last. At first I did not think I would benefit from the retreat because my wife and I had been married for over a decade already. We participated and filled out some surveys and all was going well until one of the surveys my wife took revealed to me that all she ever wants is to spend more time with me. It hit me like a ton of bricks. I felt like I had been dedicating enough time to my family life and that everything was great.

I made a new pact with myself on that day that I would be there for soccer practice, cheerleading practice and that I would go home and spend time with my wife and children at close of business. I still work late but only sometimes. I drive home for lunch three to four times a week. If I can’t go home for lunch I will invite my wife to come and have lunch with me, but at a minimum I will call just to say hi. I volunteer with my children’s after school activities and sometimes I will go to my kid’s school and eat lunch with them.

When the Army is done with me, I will retire and I will leave knowing that I gave 100 % every day in service for my country. I am preparing right now for my retirement, but not through the Army Career and Alumni Program or squaring my medical away.

I am participating in life, not just living for the Army. I find myself being more productive, happier, and secure in the knowledge that when I retire and adjust to life on the “outside” that I will not do it alone. I will have prepared my family and myself for my eventual retirement by just being there and being together and the benefits are already paying off. I may never get the deck built that I planned, but it is amazing what you can accomplish by going home.