Photo Illustration: If you love something, let it go.

Note: I’m a married man, so this article is going to be written from my perspective. If the words “wife” and “husband” don’t apply to the situation of the reader, I trust that the reader can still apply at least some of the advice accordingly. There are an awful lot of types of human relationships, and I’m going to go ahead and assume that everyone can find some common ground on this topic.

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Every year on Feb. 14, spouses and significant others of all kinds are compelled by a holiday to express their love through spending lots of money on flowers, chocolates and stuffed animals. I personally believe this is a repugnant practice.

According to History.com, the exact origin of Valentine’s Day is vague, but one popular theory contends that a priest named Valentine conducted illegal marriages after Roman Emperor Claudius II outlawed marriages for young men. Claudius was concerned that married men with families would make for lesser Soldiers who didn’t have their minds on the job at hand.

After Valentine’s actions were discovered, he was put to death. So, what better way to celebrate that man’s romantic defiance of authority and demise than with sweets and the purchase of material goods.

The bulk of this article will be focused primarily on the ladies as Valentine’s Day, at least traditionally, has be more focused on them. Ladies, don’t get your man flowers, chocolates, or a teddy bear. We have no use for those things. Perhaps the chocolate isn’t all bad, and there certainly comes a point when we may want it, but our dad bods don’t need it.

If you absolutely need to spend money on a man, buy him something practical – a new tool, a book he’s been wanting, something for one of his hobbies. Perhaps one of the most precious things you could get a married man with children is some guilt-free personal time.

For single folks, Valentine’s Day can be a stark reminder of precisely how single they are, which can lead to feelings of loneliness and depression. I think we can all agree that’s no good.

Getting back to the married folks, I would argue that spouses should be constantly working to show their love and affection for each other. One doesn’t have to wait until a specified day in February.

A popular thing to do on Valentine’s Day is for a husband to send flowers to his wife’s place of work. This is a mistake. While flowers are certainly a respectable gift, there are some things to consider:

1.      Florists, understandably so, mark up flowers a ridiculous amount on Valentine’s Day.

2.      Flowers are not very practical as they die a few days later. So ultimately, you’ve spent $100 on small pile of compost.

3.      Tons of people will be getting flowers on Valentine’s Day. It’s not original… it’s just expected.

4.      Because everyone else will be getting flowers, a sort of comparison game will ensue. Say I buy my wife a $100 bouquet, but her coworker receives a $200 bouquet that’s twice as big as the one I sent. My wife is going to somehow feel slighted deep down inside even though she is way too nice to admit it. It’s just human nature. Best not to even play that game.

Now, if you really want to make your wife feel special and flowers are your thing, send her flowers throughout the year just because she did something that reminded you of how awesome she is. They will be cheaper and the gesture will ultimately make her feel more loved.

Going out to dinner is another popular tradition, but it’s not a good idea on Valentine’s Day. There’s probably going to be a long wait everywhere, even at lackluster joints. Nothing says “I love you” like an hour-and-a-half wait at the local steakhouse. Then, you get to your table, and you can’t hear each other talk because it’s so busy and takes 45 minutes to get your food because the kitchen is backed up. You’re better off going the weekend before or after.

I guess if you’re really a baller, you can spring for jewelry. My utter resentment for Valentine’s Day prevents me from spending that kind of money, and those types of gifts are better reserved for birthdays and anniversaries. You don’t want to be that guy who gets jewelry for every occasion. It’s honestly kind of a cop out.

I would be remiss if I told you all the ways not to be romantic and didn’t offer any alternatives. So this is the part when a 38-year-old guy, who is often told he may not be the best at romance and is somewhat frugal, is going to give you some advice about how you can cheaply celebrate Feb. 14, and more importantly any other day of the year, with your sweetie. Obviously, to be truly romantic, you’re going to need someone to watch the kids if you have them:

1.      Physical affection. Occasionally, I’ll be cooking dinner and my wife will just come up behind me, hug me tight and tell me she loves me. That’s really nice. Obviously, one can get very creative here. And hey, it doesn’t get much more free than this.

2.      Take a walk. This one is easy. You can do it anywhere – trails, in the neighborhood … at any location really. Talk about your day, joke and make plans for the weekend. Whatever … just relax and decompress.

3.      Camping trip. The more primitive the better, honestly. Guys, this is your opportunity to impress her with your fire making skills and knife craft. After a weekend of truly “roughing it” together, your relationship will probably be a lot stronger … or you might want to kill each other.

4.      Make an amazing meal. Find your favorite recipes and cook them together. I’m not condoning alcohol usage but drinking while cooking can enhance the experience. Drink responsibly, of course.

5.      Write your spouse a nice letter telling them all the things you love about them. Dig deep, you’ll find a few things.

6.      The at-home spa day. Pamper each other without leaving the house – massages, manicures, pedicures, facials and a nice hot bath. Maybe even throw in some of that fancy water with the cucumbers and lemon in it. This one will get funny when a guy is receiving some of these luxuries for the first time, or it comes time for the hubby to apply nail polish after giving his wife what is likely the worst manicure of her life. Mistakes will be made. Laughs will be had.

7.      Movie/binge-watch show night. In this post-COVID world, almost everyone has awesome home theater setups, and almost everything can be had on streaming. Get your favorite junk food and popcorn, cuddle up and enjoy.

8.      Hobby swap. Take turns teaching each other about and doing your favorite hobbies. You’ll both get outside of your comfort zones and try something new. And who knows, you may just find something you can enjoy with your spouse on a regular basis.

9.      Weekend getaway. Okay, maybe not the cheapest idea, but just plan a little mini vacation, but with no regimented schedule. Relax, eat well, and most importantly, no responsibility.

So, if you choose to ignore everything I’ve said, at least remember this: The flowers will die shortly after getting them; chocolates are unhealthy sugar bombs that make you fat, and the teddy bears, heart shaped pillows and other Valentine’s Day-themed items are just going to end up in a junk pile in the back of your closet. Be better.

Ultimately, you want to do things that will channel those feelings you had the first few months of dating – rekindle the honeymoon phase. Do those things year-round and you’ll be just fine.