Article by Col. Peter L. Mueller
ABERDEEN PROVING GROUND, Md. -- The last few days of warmth and sun have reminded me why I so look forward to spring! It just brings a certain happiness to see blue skies and feel warm breezes after all the cold and rain and gray. Sometimes it seems happiness is as elusive as the weather. We often rely on others for our happiness and that can have sad consequences. I find humorous what the writer William Arthur Ward once said about the subject: "Every person has the power to make others happy; one does it simply by entering a room -- others, by leaving the room." Makes me wonder, which one am I?
Certainly, we can either contribute or detract from others' happiness through the manner in which we treat them. But just like stress (whether good stress or bad) is actually our response to a stressor, so our happiness is based on how we choose to respond to others; they really can't make us feel or think anything. Sometimes when I'm driving I will encounter a very rude driver and suddenly, my peaceful relaxed mood is changed to one of anger and revenge.
But it has been through those situations that I have learned the mental trick of self-talk to reframe my perspective and take control. I ask myself, "Would you like to give power and control over your feelings to that person in the trashy sports car?" And my answer is, of course, "Well, no, that is one of the last people I want controlling my thoughts and feelings. I really don't like them." This makes me realize I must choose to refuse to let that person change the way I want to feel, and I purposely go back to calm and relaxed just to show them who is in charge!
This type of self-talk has many applications. We can do the same thing by refusing to "bring home the person who angered us at work." Purposely and deliberately leave them at the door when you walk out and choose the pleasant and enjoyable things you want to think about while at home or over the weekend. Refuse to let them come home with you and ruin the rest of your day. You have the power. You have the choice. Other examples are as numerous as the situations which make you mad.
It takes practice to slow down the movement from stimulus to response and give yourself time to choose how you want to react. Start with the small annoyances, then move up to the bigger things that really push your buttons. You seldom can control everything in your environment, but you can learn to choose your own feelings and thoughts.
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