Fort Drum employee expands on definition of 'family'

By Mrs. Michelle Kennedy (Drum)March 6, 2014

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FORT DRUM, N.Y. -- Being a Soldier, military spouse or "Army brat" can teach people to redefine the word "family." In many cases, it stretches the definition past a person you marry or a child you bring into the world.

One Fort Drum Civilian Employee has proven that by opening her home and her heart, quickly growing her Family of two into a Family of six in a few short years.

Kathy Montgomery, a Child, Youth and School Services administrative assistant, met her husband, Staff Sgt. Shon Montgomery, in 2007 after he returned from a 15-month deployment to Afghanistan. At the time, he was stationed at Fort Drum while she worked in Syracuse. The two got engaged, and they were married soon after.

"Other than deployments and training, we haven't been separated," she said. "We instantly knew."

After Shon and Kathy Montgomery tried to start a Family of their own without success, the couple decided to look into becoming a foster care family. After contacting the Housing Office, they were giving the green light to pursue fostering.

The couple fostered one child before Montgomery deployed, but it wasn't until a couple of years later that a little boy named Nick came into their lives.

"He won us over instantly," Kathy Montgomery said. "He has red hair and freckles."

However, integrating the 6-year-old into a family environment proved difficult, she admitted.

"At the time, he still had contact with his mother. There was a battle of 'you're the mom.' 'I'm the mom,'" Montgomery said. "What I did wasn't good enough. What she did wasn't good enough. That was very trying.

"As much as she wanted him back, she just wasn't able to care for him, and as much as he wanted to go back, he just couldn't," she added. "It was a very difficult situation for everybody."

Once Nick learned that the couple wanted to adopt him, things became a bit easier, but there were still challenges to conquer. After Shon Montgomery was medically retired in 2010, the couple moved to Adams. They officially adopted Nick in 2011.

Before moving in with the Montgomerys, Nick had not lived with other children, and he didn't understand how to treat pets. This posed a problem in the Montgomery household -- the three humans shared a home with four dogs, three cats and three ferrets.

"We had a lot of issues -- trying to get him to get along with other kids and pets in the house," Montgomery said. "Due to the level of neglect he (was exposed to), even going to school was almost new to him, because he didn't have (the structure and schedule) where he would go to school every day. It was just really tough."

Seeing some of the issues they faced as a Family led Kathy Montgomery to write a children's book called "We Live in a Zoo."

"I wrote the book for Nick and about getting along with pets in the home, just because that was one of the most trying things with him; he didn't know how to do it," she said. "We had to get him out of that mentality and teach him that they are living things with feelings, not things to hurt. That was a difficult one for him to get through."

The Montgomerys fostered several children after adopting Nick, including a pair of siblings. The boy and girl lived with them for almost a full school year before they left to live with another family member.

"It killed me because I wanted them to stay," Montgomery said. "That's the hard thing. You just get so used to them and so connected that when they leave, it's just heart breaking."

Eventually, the girl, Jewel, came back to live with them in 2010.

"We adopted her (last December), but her brother went to live with somebody else -- not our decision," Montgomery said. "They still talk to each other, and his adopted parents work really well with us with communication, so that's nice."

In 2012, already having Nick and Jewel in the house, Kathy Montgomery began considering the opportunity to foster a child with special needs. Before she met her husband, she had worked in TV and radio in Syracuse. She also helped local organizations in the area with teaching children with special needs. She taught her students about running a radio show and later began working as a job coach for other children.

"It was actually a really fun job to help them out," Montgomery said. "From that level, I could really see that integration with people with disabilities in the workplace and how we can accommodate them. It was really cool."

"I had a good time with it," she added. "I think people think (that) working with people with disabilities is intimidating, but (it isn't) if you get to know them."

Montgomery made the call.

"Although that's not my field, I told (my contact at the Children's Home of Jefferson County) that I could probably take on one more (child) with some sort of disability -- if they needed me to," she said. "I didn't want babies. As much as we wanted to have children, babies are really intimidating!"

Within 48 hours, Montgomery received a phone call.

"There was a boy who needed a home. He had some disabilities, but they couldn?'t tell if it was a disability or if he was just delayed," she explained. "But there was a catch -- he came with a sibling. I only had a four-bedroom house, and I didn't know how it was going to work, but we did some rearranging with beds to make it work."

Montgomery drove about 90 minutes to pick up the boys, ages 4 and 5.

"When I opened the door, they looked like twins," she said. "The littlest one just gave me a big smile and grabbed my hand. He was just fascinated that someone was visiting (them)."

Montgomery had only seen them for a few minutes before she took them home, which proved to be confusing for Tyler and Eyan.

"The whole ride home, (Eyan) kept asking when they were going back," she said. "I knew they had a traumatic background. He was confused and didn?'t know what was going on."

"They have definitely helped us learn more about kids," Montgomery said, laughing. "When Tyler came to live with us, his walking was really unbalanced; he would fall a lot."

Tyler has made progress with walking and talking through different types of therapy.

"He can only say 10 words now, but that's more than what he could do when I picked him up," Montgomery said. "He's had a lot of help with (different types of therapy)."

Shon, Tyler and all of the children also are involved in Scouting.

"Shon has become a 'super scouter,'" Montgomery said. "He's been called from other states to have him come and help. They?'ve offered him jobs and everything. He loves it. He loves volunteering.

"The kids are constantly going places and learning new things. Nick is exceptional at tying knots and fire starting -- I don't know if those are good things," she said with a laugh. "Jewel also does Venture Crew."

Although having a house full of children and pets was a "blessing," the Family struggled with having a smaller home. Between construction projects and having to rearrange everything, the couple wasn't sure they could adopt the two newest members of the household.

"With all that, we had our doubts about adopting the younger ones. We asked ourselves 'what do we do?'" Montgomery said. "I talked to a friend who had lived in an orphanage as a child about (our situation). She looked at me and asked me 'how would you feel if you knew no one wanted you?'

"I just cried," she added. "It still brings tears to my eyes just thinking about it. No, I don't know how that feels, but I'm sure it would be devastating."

Tyler and Eyan found their forever home with the Montgomery Family on Nov. 22 -- National Adoption Day.

While Shon and Kathy Montgomery don't plan to foster any more children, they have fond memories of all of the children they were able to help.

"You never know the impact you make, but it's not that I don't want to help anymore," she said. "Tyler needs more attention than what I could give him if we had more kids in the house. We don't have any more room in our house, so we could not (foster more children). I don't think that more would be best for everybody. I think where we're at is a good mix, and it's working.

"I think 2013 was the year of happiness," Montgomery said, adding that her niece also was born last year. "Our table was full at Thanksgiving and (during family) dinners. It's good."

Staying busy

An outsider might think Montgomery has a full plate with a full-time job, four children and a plethora of pets, but she also stays busy with college coursework and volunteering with the U.S. Coast Guard Auxiliary in Sackets Harbor.

Montgomery volunteers at the station, where she performs marketing and public affairs duties and serves as a "watch stander" on the radios.

"The auxiliary works hand in hand with the 'gold side' (active-duty personnel)," she said. "The majority of the stuff we do is during the summer. We're only operational April through October, but we have meetings through the winter, so we can focus on training. In the summer, it's all hands on deck."

During the summertime, the auxiliary assists with towing and emergency response, and the group patrols the water, especially during events like fireworks displays and the War of 1812 celebration.

"We do a lot of practice runs in our area of responsibility, and we have to know the charts," Montgomery said. "Sackets is the middle station between Oswego and Alexandria Bay -- that's a lot of distance, so the Sackets station is really important, although it's a small area."

While she doesn't go out on the boats, she does operate the radio during patrols.

"I have to check in to make sure where they are, and then I have to chart it," Montgomery said. "If any maydays come in, I have to respond to those and alert the gold side if they're on the water, along with the sheriff's department if there are any emergencies.

"To do that, I had to go through a lot of training," she added. "I had to become a communications specialist in order to take the watch standing course … it can be a high-stress situation. Since I've been on the radio, I haven't had a mayday call yet. Mine have just been minor things, so I'm overly anticipating."

The auxiliary is preparing for the new law requiring boater's safety course for everyone who will be 18 on or after May 1. Approved courses include those offered by New York State Parks, U.S. Coast Guard Auxiliary or the U.S. Power Squadron.

"We're going to be slamming with boaters' safety courses this year, so we've added a few extra (sessions)," Montgomery said. "You'd be surprised the amount of people who are in boats who don't help if there's something going on. They're really supposed to.

"We get a lot of people who rent boats and aren't from up here who don't (know the rules)," she added. "The auxiliary does a lot to help. The auxiliary are all volunteers, but we get the same training as Department of Homeland Security employees. The only thing we can't do is the law enforcement side of it, but we can help them. We just can't do the arrests."

Volunteering at the USCG Auxiliary got her interested in obtaining a degree in communications for emergency services.

"It's such an interesting subject to me. It's not that I have to use it for work at any point -- even if it helps me when I'm volunteering," Montgomery said. "I made sure my classes were diverse enough for the subject."

Her diverse workload includes classes on terrorism, health policy, global climate changes and health crisis scenarios.

"I don't have a 'bug-out' bag or anything, but I'll be knowledgeable in different subjects," she said with a chuckle. "I'll graduate in May or June of next year. A good thing is that all of the classes are online so I can do work at 3 a.m. if I want to. My teachers have been pretty lenient about being able to jump ahead with my assignments. I try to get as much done as I can. I have four kids; I have to do this!"

Even though her schedule seems to fill up fast, Montgomery said she loves it that way.

"It's always been that way," she said. "My mom has always commented on my inability to sit still. I figure if I'm using it for good and not for bad, then I'm doing good."