Monsters can be real
U.S. Army story by Gabriella Sullivan
“Spooky Season” is upon us and while many will dress up as monsters and other things that go bump in the night throughout October, some monsters need no costume. These monsters live in homes and terrorize the ones closest to them all year round. They can be disguised as mothers, fathers, partners or spouses and this month we work to unmask them. October is not only peak “Spooky Season”, but also Domestic Abuse Awareness month.
In many domestic abuse situations, the relationship starts out good and slowly changes, and because of this, many victims don’t realize that they are a victim. Abuse is not always physical. It can be emotional, verbal and sexual. Many times, emotional abuse goes unreported because victims don’t realize it is a form of abuse.
Experts with Fort Knox’s Family Advocacy Program have ways of determining how dangerous a domestic abuse situation is and provides resources to service members and their families that are victim to domestic abuse as well as resources for abusers that want help.
“With the military [service members and families], restricted and unrestricted reporting is offered to a victim regarding domestic abuse,” said Lisa Stewart, a Family Advocacy Program Manager for the Fort Knox installation. “For an unrestricted report, the command is notified and an official investigation is initiated. If that individual were in imminent danger, the [victim advocate] would make a report to the military police.”
“If a victim is not wanting to conduct an investigation, they may file a restricted report,” said Stewart. “In order to keep it restricted, they must only report to a victim advocate, victim advocate supervisor or a healthcare provider.”
If a command is aware of a suspected or known abuse, they are required to make a report.
“After a report is made, there is a 72-hour hold that goes into place. Victim advocates try to link the victim to any safe place they could go to including a domestic violence shelter,” said Stewart.
In the Fort Knox area, there are two domestic violence shelters that provide a safe place for victims. These shelters are offered to victims when they come in or call and need a place to go. There is no wrong time to seek help from domestic abuse.
“We always encourage reports at the earliest level, because we don't know if that's the first time something happened,” said Stewart. “[We] don't know all the dynamics within somebody's family until [we] gather more information or get more information and there's still more to the story.”
“I think that people do not look at reporting as important, but sometimes it is prevention, reporting so that families can get the help that they need,” Stewart continued. “We want Soldiers and families to get the help they may need.”
According to the Center for Disease Control, 1 in 7 men will experience physical violence by their intimate partner at some point during their lifetimes. About 1 in 6 men experience sexual violence. Over 3 million acts of domestic violence to men occur annually. These numbers are unlikely to reflect the actual number of domestic abuse cases toward men, because men do not report as often. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK499891/. People often ask “why don’t they just leave if it’s so bad?
“Telling a person to just leave can sometimes be more dangerous to the victim,” said Stewart. “They need to have a safe way to leave, and a safety plan is very important. It is helpful for the victim to have options. When somebody exits their relationship can be the time of highest risk. We would want to encourage victims to have a safety plan prior to making the decision to actually leave the situation.”
According to Stewart, when speaking with someone who is experiencing domestic issues it’s important to listen and to provide a safe environment they can trust. Never tell a victim to “just leave.” Imposing thoughts or beliefs on a victim isn’t helpful. Instead, listen and let them know their options.
“The biggest thing you can do for a victim is telling them you believe them,” said Stewart.
There are signs of domestic abuse. Victims may display a change in attitude. They may wear more makeup or cover up more. They may isolate themselves or display anxious behavior. They may avoid social interactions and find excuses to avoid friends and family.
According to the National Domestic Violence Hotline, if you suspect someone is a victim of abuse, starting a conversation with them can be hard. They may not want to discuss the abuse they are experiencing for many reasons including fear, shame or even concern for the abuser. It’s important to facilitate an affirming conversation to meet them where they’re at by acknowledging they’re in a difficult and scary situation, being supportive and listening, being non-judgmental, remembering that you can’t “rescue them”, help them develop a safety plan, encourage them to participate in activities with friends and family and always encourage them to talk to people who can offer further help.
If you know someone who is a victim of abuse, or if you yourself are, please don’t hesitate to reach out to the abuse hotline. They are there to help and are there to ensure you get out of a dangerous situation.
“Abuse doesn't stop, it doesn't get better unless the abuser gets help or something is done,” said Stewart. “You can get help as the victim or the abuser if you suspect abuse as a service member you are required to report. It is not weak to get help, it is necessary.”
For victims: the National Abuse hotline is 1-800-799-SAFE or visit thehotline.org. Please contact your local Family Advocacy Department and Military Once Source for additional resources.
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