By Eric Pilgrim | Fort Knox NewsDecember 28, 2018
Can you believe it? We are already knocking on the door of 2019. Some of us are so tired of this year that we're trying to kick that door in. Maybe others are putting a lock on it because, well, it was just that good.
Whatever your situation, we are all about to embark on another new year, whether we're ready for it or not.
One traditional way to get ready is to sit down and pen some New Year's resolutions. However, virtually every resolution shares one thing in common -- how utterly useless they end up being within a week of making them. As Oscar Wilde once said, "Good resolutions are simply checks that men draw on a bank where they have no account."
Some experts suggest that 8 to 12 folks out of every hundred will most likely keep their resolutions for a year. Quite frankly, I would have thought the number to be a bit lower than that; so with that in mind, let's jump into some of my resolutions you might consider adding to your list for the coming year:
10. Resolve to avoid challenges. The first one to really go viral was pretty cool -- the ALS ice bucket challenge. It had purpose, it had backing; it had buckets of icy cold water falling on people's heads. Everything went south from there. There was the Carolina Reaper pepper challenge -- the hottest pepper this side of Mercury; equally ridiculous, the gagging-on-a-spoonful-of-cinnamon challenge, or ginormous-lips-from-sucking-on-a-small-cup-or-vacuum-hose challenge. Don't forget the run-full-speed-at-the-camera-and-turn-at-the-last-possible-second challenge, and its opposite -- "The floor is lava" challenge. Then there's the flip-a-drink-bottle-in-the-air-and-have-it-land-upright challenge. But two have tied for the dumbest to date: the eat-a-Tide-pod challenge and the touch-a-hot-coil challenge. Seriously, folks, don't try these last two. Ever!
9. Resolve to watch at least one cute cat video a day. Do you realize how many of these things there are out there? Holy smokes! How can such an expressionless beast come up with so many ways to make us laugh? The sheer volume of funny cat videos is virtually endless -- definitely enough to watch one a day for a whole year; maybe two. You'll enjoy a daily dose of laughter, and you'll have something to laugh about with your friends -- whether they're real friends or reside only on your social media sites.
8. Resolve to watch every D.C. and Marvel movie in the known universe. Do you realize how difficult this is getting with each passing day? There are a lot of them out there, folks. I've been trying to keep up -- although admittedly, I haven't tried that hard -- and haven't yet. Thankfully, I have a 14-year-old who somehow knows both universes without hesitating. Mind you, this is not an endorsement of either franchise; just a profound observation of how many of their movies that are filling theater screens. Moviegoers seem to have an endless thirst for more.
7. Resolve to slow down just a bit. The exceptions are many and varied, of course, like if your drill sergeant is yelling at you to double-time or you're about to get hit by a car. But in general, take some time to pick some roses and smell them, unless the neighbors own them. Then, just smell them.
6. Resolve to eat everything in sight. Okay, that was really bad advice but I thought maybe some reverse psychology might spice up the resolution list a bit; especially since diet resolutions seem to never work, as is proof by me struggling in my third year at this one. Alright, maybe just consider eating reasonably and exercising three times a week. And please don't diet so much you starve yourself -- that's one of the reasons why this resolution fails.
5. Resolve to watch at least one movie, or show, that doesn't depict insane levels of violence, cursing and nudity. Hey, you may roll your eyes on this one but this ain't so easy these days. Hint: You may have to rewind the clock and revisit some of the classics that made our parents and grandparents laugh, and cry. You might be surprised how good those old oldies are. Without the luxury of CGI. Or 4k UltraHD or DEEP color. Or super surround sound …
4. Resolve to avoid trendy fitness fads. First of all, there are some really goofy ones out there that make you look dumb. Second, they can hurt you. Healthline.com recommends avoiding routines involving a chair, things that vibrate or jiggle (Hey, I didn't make this up), toning shoes, electric ab belts (seriously, who would willingly shock themselves? -- don't answer that), weight loss pills and powders (because they don't work!), celebrity fitness videos (because actors who are playing fitness experts on TV are telling you what to do, and oftentimes because they don't work), and infomercial gimmicks (because, well, they usually don't work).
3. Resolve to avoid trendy diet fads. See the last several reasons from Number 4 as to why you shouldn't buy into these fads -- and because bookstore shelves are buckling under the weight of so much "advice," which oftentimes conflicts others' advice. My advice? Eat natural, whole foods and get on with your life.
2. Resolve to love your friends and family with all the time you've been given on this old Earth, tackle each day as it comes with a great attitude and determination to make the most your gifts and talents, and be the first to laugh about all the things you do that you know will be super funny later.
1. Resolve to not make a resolution. Okay, you might be thinking, "Why is this one here?" Mainly for a laugh because if you actually resolve to not make a resolution, you just made one. But I digress … Maybe it's best to just focus on 7 and 2 and save the others for next year.
Happy New Year, everyone! Remember: 2019 can be a fresh, new start to something special. Try it on for size. And maybe start the year with just one resolution -- or two.