FORT CAMPBELL, Ky. -- Marriage is a big step for any relationship. The counselors at the Fort Campbell Family Life Center want to help couples make sure they're prepared for everything that step entails.
"The message is to try to set people up for success so they can try to stay together until death they do part and not have to go through the pain of divorce and separation," said Chap. (Maj.) Jerry Hall, Family Life Center chaplain.
To help couples trying to decide if matrimony is the right step, the center offers Marriage 101 the last Monday of each month at Liberty Chapel beginning Monday.
"It's for couples that are getting married," Hall said.
The single-day course lasts from 9 a.m. until 4 p.m., with lunch included, and offers couples the chance to look at several of the biggest concerns that come up in counseling sessions after marriage.
"We have them do a budget of their own, of their current situation -- what it's going to look like after they get married," Hall said.
Participants also talk about boundaries in a marriage, the importance of communication, expectations of roles, different love languages and the importance of intimacy.
"Those are the biggest areas where we see issues," Hall said. "We really want to set people up for success and deal with things we see current married folks are dealing with -- to try to give them that information so they can head it off before it hits them."
Hall said there are also several sessions of role playing -- to better understand different forms of communication and budget concerns -- throughout the day.
"There's four of us so we can go around and see what they're doing," he said.
Participants also receive a copy of "The Five Love Languages," by Gary Chapman. They take the assessment in the back of the book during the course. Counselors help them figure out what the results mean and how to better communicate with their future spouse.
"If your love language is gifts and the other person's is acts of service and they're talking to the other individual using acts of service vernacular … they're not communicating effectively," Hall said.
They teach couples the importance of boundaries and why it's important to keep boundaries around a marriage.
"It breaks down the relationship when you're not putting that other person first," he said. "Why should you put that person first? Why should they come before kids or in-laws or work, for example? If you haven't sewed into that marital relationship, what do you have after all those other things are gone? Two strangers living in a house that are roommates but don't know each other."
Hall said they also take the chance to encourage couples to continue dating, even after they get married.
"To me, the dating part is part of the maintenance on the marriage, to keep it vibrant and alive and going, but a lot of people stop. They don't do it," he said.
He said the course aims to inform individuals about some of the hardships of marriage to help them identify things that they may need to work on before getting married, both as a couple and as individuals.
"It's easier to make changes to an individual than to a system," Hall said. "When you get married it becomes a system."
He said the average age range for the course is 18 to 30, but they've had older Soldiers participate as well. Hall said generally in his experience, the younger people who've never been married seem to take the lessons to heart more than the people preparing for their second marriage.
"The older folks, you kind of get set in your ways sometimes," he said. "When you're younger, never been married, you're trusting our experience to help you."
Hall said most people treat the Marriage 101 as a last check before getting married, often taking it only a few weeks before their wedding. He said he personally recommends that couples go through at least six months of counseling before getting married.
"We're not trying to talk anyone out of getting married," he said. "We're just trying to set them up for success. It's up to them what they decide to do."
He recommends that couples go through intense financial training, a Premarital Interpersonal Choices and Knowledge program such as the one offered at the center to help understand each other, as well as at least six sessions of individual premarital counseling.
"We don't want folks rushing into marriage," Hall said. "We're in a society where people are rush rush rush instead of taking their time, and the problem … is you rush into something sometimes and then six months down the road you're talking about separation or divorce. You can't rush rush rush into a divorce."
Hall requested anyone wanting to attend Marriage 101 should register at the FLC by the Thursday prior so that the counselors have enough time to prepare. He also requested command support for Soldiers wanting to attend. The Soldiers receive a certificate of completion they can show their commanders, as well as to get a discount when registering for a marriage license in Tennessee.
"This [course] I think just scratches the surface," Hall said. "The six or eight hours that we do is good, but I think there's more you can do in order to set yourself up for success."
Editor's note: This is the second in a series on programs offered through the Fort Campbell Family Life Center.
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