FORT CARSON, Colo. -- Frequent deployments and separations, high stress jobs and frequent moves -- military life is full of stressors that can wreak havoc on marriage and Families and lead to screaming and other breakdowns in communication.
Army Community Service officials hope to stop the screaming with free parenting and marriage seminars being offered Sept. 26. ScreamFree Parenting is from 10-11:30 a.m. in the Aspen Room
at ACS. ScreamFree Marriage is from 5:30-7:30 p.m. at the Hub.
"Yelling, screaming … for me, that's basically an alarm. That's a cry for help," said Ken Robinson, Family Advocacy Program specialist at ACS. "I'm feeling either incompetent -- I can't meet your needs, I don't know how to do this marriage or Family thing -- or I'm feeling that we're really disconnected right now."
The seminar will be taught by Hal Runkel, author of "ScreamFree Marriage" and "ScreamFree Parenting." Runkel recently trained a group of about 20 people from various organizations on Fort Carson so they can serve as facilitators for future classes.
"A lot of it focuses on not necessarily what the other person is doing, but what your reactions are," said Steve Frost, victim advocate coordinator, Family Advocacy Program, one of the training attendees. "What are the things you have the ability to control?"
Even those who don't often find themselves screaming can benefit from the seminars.
"You may be keeping calm on the outside, but inside, you're not," Robinson said. "(The relationship) may not be abusive or anything. It's just not the quality of relationship that you really could have."
Another aspect of the seminar is differentiation of self, he said.
"How do you, … in marriage, have an intimate, closely connected relationship with your spouse without losing your unique individuality?" he said.
In unhealthy relationships, spouses can feel that they have to be somebody else to please their partners, or they might not allow their individuality to come out at all, he said.
"In good relationships, you have the freedom to keep your individuality without fear of rejection," said Robinson.
Even healthy parenting and marriage relationships can benefit from the seminars.
"You may have a fantastic marriage, and that's great. It's the same thing as, you may be really fit, but that doesn't mean you stop going to the gym. The whole point is, continue to work on your marriage, continue to have these conversations," said Mariana Graupmann, victim advocate, FAP, another training attendee.
The parenting class focuses on helping nurture children's individuality.
"Sometimes the kid has to be somebody other than who he really is," Robinson said. "It's more about pleasing the parents and calming their anxiety versus (him) thriving as a child."
He said the seminar is still beneficial if only one partner can attend.
"It's not about how can I change my spouse, how can I change my kid," Frost said. "What's my part in it? Why is this important to me?"
Whether they choose to go to the parenting or marriage seminar, Family relationships can benefit.
"Your relationships are only as good as the amount of time and effort you invest in them," said Robinson. "Any sort of enrichment or education, whether it's for parenting or for couples, is a good thing to keep (relationships) moving forward.
"If not, we tend to get into a rut, and we get into a way of relating, and we drift apart and don't even realize it because we get so busy with the Army and other things in life."
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