Young, Drunk and Dumb

By BOB VAN ELSBERG, Strategic Communication Directorate, U.S. Army CombatReadiness/Safety Center, Fort Rucker, Ala.August 4, 2011

I was getting ready to enlist and Jerry, a friend of my late father (they’d served in the military together), felt it was time I had my first “real” party. You know " the kind where a boy becomes a man by drinking the “good stuff.” It was different for me since I’d never had a drink before, being raised by my mother in a very strict church. But hey, I was about to enlist and this, Jerry assured me, was part of the rite of passage in becoming a “real” man.

Jerry filled my glass and handed it to me, assuring me I was about to experience a quality introduction to inebriation. He also promised I wouldn’t suffer a head-pounding hangover like you’d get from some cheap convenience store wine. “Hmm,” I thought after my first taste, “Not too bad.” I finished my first glass and was starting to feel mellow. I should have stopped there but, “Oh no!” Jerry said, as he refilled my glass. He assured me it would only get better and that my father would want his son to have a proper sendoff.

Down went the second glass, followed by a third. Somewhere during the process, I thought California was suffering another earthquake. As I sat there trying remain upright, I wondered, “Why is the room spinning?”

Much of the following few hours has been lost to memory, along with countless brain cells that didn’t survive this “initiation.” But as the wee hours of the morning arrived, I realized I still had to drive a couple of my fellow partiers home. Since I’d borrowed my mother’s car (the party took place 100 miles from where I lived and I was sleeping over at a friend’s house), I wanted to be very careful not to get a ticket or crash.

When I got behind the wheel, I noticed I could only see through pinpoints in the middle of my vision. Everything else was kind of fuzzy. Recognizing my driving skills were somewhat impaired, I figured going slow was going smart. In fact, the only way I could have gone slower would have been to shift into reverse. I managed to drop everyone off safely and not get spotted by a cop. Had I been, I’m sure he’d have felt compelled to question why I was creeping along at 20 mph on a 40-mph street and wandering all over my lane.

I was lucky that night. I made it back " no hits, dings or tickets. I was totally ignorant of what I’d done, putting myself, my passengers and other motorists in danger. After recovering from my hangover (Jerry lied), I had both time and presence of mind to consider the consequences. Given that opportunity, I decided to avoid any repeat performances.

How about you? Have you driven drunk? Did you get away with it? Most drivers do until their luck " and maybe their lives " run out. If you’d rather be smart than lucky, here are some tips from the Car Insurance List website at www.carinsurancelist.com/.

• Hand Your Keys to Someone Else: If you’re at a bar, ask the bartender to hold your keys. If you’re at a party, give your keys to a friend, or have your host put them in a safe location. Wherever you are, and whoever takes your keys, be explicit: they are not to hand them back until the next morning, when you are completely sober.

• Keep Cab Fare Handy: If you’re barhopping, or even if you’re only going to one place, always keep enough money for cab fare in a separate part of your wallet, and forget about it until you need to pay for a ride home. It’s also a good idea to keep the number of a reliable cab company programmed into your cell phone, or on a card with your hidden money. If you’re a student, you should know that many cab companies or campus police offer “no questions asked” rides home when you’re too intoxicated to drive.

• Arrange for a Designated Driver: If you regularly go out with a group of people, take turns being the designated driver. Yes, this means that the person holding the keys doesn’t get to drink that night, but there will be other nights, and watching your drunk friends’ behavior when you’re sober can be both entertaining and educational.

If You Have No Other Options, Don’t Drink: It may sound ridiculously easy, but if you know the only way home is to drive yourself, you need to simply not drink. After all, you can’t drive drunk if you’ve been sipping only soda or water; and while a good cocktail is tasty, the reality is no one needs to be drunk to have fun.

Even adults can be influenced by peer pressure, so it’s also important to consider the people you party with. If they belittle you for not drinking, or aren’t willing to take their turns as a designated driver, perhaps you should reconsider who your friends really are.