Dark journeys need company, support, encouragement

By Col. David VanderJagt-Fort Knox Garrison ChaplainSeptember 17, 2015

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My journey as a chaplain started at Fort Irwin, California. It didn't take long for me to come to the realization that phone calls after midnight were never good. For some reason twenty million dollar sweepstakes never call at night. So when my phone rang about 2 a.m. I already knew something was probably wrong.

I sleep heavy and so I can't be blamed for not being able to think clearly the first minute of being awake. The conversation started something like this: "Chaplain I need you to come here right now!"

Obviously, even in my slightly dazed sleepy state, I needed a bit more information than that. Things like, "Who are you?," "Where are you?" and "What is the problem?"

He gave me his name. He was one of my single Soldiers in the battalion. When he told me where he was I knew we did have a problem.

He was calling from the house of one of my married NCO's who I knew was TDY for a school.

So what was the problem?

He would not tell me, but he urged me that I needed to come right away. Since there was so much urgency in his voice I did not take time to put on a uniform but threw on the jeans, shirt, and shoes that I had by my bed.

He was only about a three minute drive away.

Arriving at the house, I remember stepping up to the screen door and looking into the house. There sitting on the couch was the spouse of my NCO. I could see that her arms were wrapped in towels and blood soaked. I did not wait to be invited in but went and approached the Soldier who was standing next to her.

Seeing me, I remember her standing up. She looked me right in the eye and said something like, "You can keep me from bleeding, but you can't keep me from dying." And then collapsed unconscious on the floor.

My first thoughts were not as spiritual as maybe they could have been.

Thoughts like: "Why did he call me?" "He should have called an ambulance or 911." "How serious are those cuts?"

I reached down and picked her up in my arms. The bleeding did not seem to be from any major artery and I figured I could get her to the hospital far faster than any ambulance could come to us. Turning toward the door I told the Soldier he was driving us to the hospital.

No place on Fort Irwin is far and the hospital was only minutes away from where we were.

Holding her in my arms, her words echoed in my soul. "You can't keep me from dying." A beautiful young lady, with so much pain in her life that she wanted to die. Her journey was now a journey though pain. Broken promises, broken dreams, broken hopes and now a body broken and dying in my arms.

We can see when a Soldier is wounded in battle. The battle scars of thousands of our Soldiers tells us the clear picture of journeys though pain.

However, the pain that is inside, the pain that breaks the heart, crushes the spirit, or destroys the soul can't be seen with the physical eye and yet it can be as deadly as any enemy bullet. For such pain can drive a person to seek death.

How do you help such a person? How do you help them find hope? A journey though pain to the point of wanting to die is a lonely journey.

The hospital staff was quick to access the situation. From my conversation in the car with the Soldier it seemed clear that she had also taken several pills. With that information the emergency staff pumped her stomach, stitched her wounds, and we waited to see if she would recover.

I forgot the total number of stitches, but it was over 50.

I have always believed in prayer. That in life, when all seems to be lost, that there is a God who knows the way in the darkness. I remember praying for her, not just for her physical recovery but that her journey of pain would be changed.

"You can keep me from bleeding, but you can't keep me from dying." Such was the last words I had heard from her before she went into surgery.

How many people do we meet each day that are bleeding inside with hurts, worries, troubles, and fears? Is it possible to reach them and offer healing to these inner wounds before they become death wishes?

I am happy to say that this young lady did survive that night and a few weeks later I remember her driving away to start a new journey in life.

During this month of suicide awareness let us be reminded that the wounds of the heart are as deadly as a sniper bullet.

During this month and every month let us journey with people and give hope, love, and encouragement to those who life, is for a moment, a journey through pain.

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Related Links:

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

Fort Knox Gold Standard