FORT BRAGG, N.C. - Teresa Priestner addressed a small crowd of widowed military Families at the ribbon cutting of Fort Bragg's Survivor Outreach Service Building Jan. 3; delivering sentiments of loss and a few words of encouragement to the modest group.
Nearly four years ago, Priestner's husband, Chief Warrant Officer 4 John Priestner, was killed in a helicopter crash.
Today, from behind her lectern, Priestner conveys messages of hope and companionship to all those who are suffering similar losses, hoping to bring together the small network of men, women and children in need of a place to reflect. She wants to make sure they know they're not alone.
"We have a place where we can come to get the answers we need, the support we need, and most of all, support from each other," said Priestner. "My story is already written. I'm here like all the other widows to help the ones that follow. It's not about us anymore; it's about the ones to come."
Priestner is involved in SOS as a leader and participant. After her remarks, she made her way to the SOS building with newer widows to place a picture of her husband on the wall in the Hall of Heroes commemorating her loss and honoring his memory.
Priestner is no stranger to events like this one. An advocate for military widows and widowers, she is adamant about helping Families find their way through the pain she once suffered and is still coping with to an extent.
"To be a widow ... It's not something that is easily described; we did not ask for this change in our lives, it is just how it has to be. It cannot be changed no matter what," said Priestner. "There are still days I cannot wrap my mind around it even three years later, but that's how horrible it is trying to describe how we feel and how we live our lives. It's like trying to describe how water tastes."
Her home, draped in patriotic adornment throughout, has become a memorial to her husband and a visual testament to how her Family is coping with her husband's death.
A plaque reading "Team Priestner" stands near several pictures of her and her husband with their daughters Bre Ann and Megan. Pictures of John stand ubiquitous throughout the house, at least one per wall and usually several to a room.
Both daughters were hit especially hard when they received the news, both fighting through bouts of despair soon after.
"I pulled away from everything because I didn't want to face that I lost my dad. I went into a severe depression; I couldn't handle it, I couldn't handle losing him. It's not like losing a pair of shoes or something," said Megan. "It's actually losing a part of your life."
Even through the incredible loss and pain the Priestner Family suffered after John's death, they remained strong through their grieving periods and eventually came to terms with their loss.
Bre Ann, 18, has pushed on to become a beacon of hope to other teens who are trying to find their way through the same struggle. Bre Ann, like her mother, finds that helping others is cathartic and hopes to inspire people through writing and providing them counseling.
"Bre and I go to South Carolina to talk to the new graduates from the Chaplain's School and we're involved with the Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors and the Gold Star wives," said Priestner.
Megan, 12, said she still feels the pains of her father's absence at times.
"It was very hard for me at school. I see Soldiers coming through and surprising their daughters or sons in the hallway and I see them hugging and everything and that just breaks my heart," Megan said. "I'm just upset that I'll never see my dad again. I'm not mad at them, it just hurts me that he's not going to be at my wedding, he's not going to be at any of my proms, and he is going to miss all these birthdays and everybody's life. It breaks my heart."
Megan now uses schoolwork to push through John's passing, by using her studies to make him proud.
"I get through this by remembering what my dad wanted for us. He wanted to be proud of me," said Megan. "I haven't worked this hard in school in a very long time. I know my dad is proud of me and that's what I love. I lost a big part of my life, yes, but I still have an amazing mom and an amazing sister and I couldn't ask for anything more."
Priestner said she is still somewhat coming to grips with the loss of her husband of nearly 20 years.
"Personally, I am like a mentor, I help the younger widows. I help, I listen, I'm a supporter. I got that from my friends and I just want that for them too. Being there for other widows is what we do at SOS," said Priestner.
Even through the loss and the pains they've suffered by the loss of their father and husband, the Priestner Family has learned to cope and have in turn become an inspiration to those in search of a life beyond mourning.
For more information about programs for survivors, call 396-0384.
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