Sgt. Marvin Lopez knew something was off when he got home from work and his wife, Caitlyn, stayed upstairs. After what felt like 30 minutes without seeing her, he finally called out. When she came downstairs and he saw the frantic look on her face, his first thought was that something was wrong. But instead, she showed him a positive pregnancy test.
“Finding out was very surreal. I’ve been wanting to be a dad for a while,” said Lopez. “Caitlyn and I were super excited, and our parents were even more excited for us.”
Although the young couple had talked about being ready to have a baby, they did have some concerns. After five years in Germany, they had just PCS’d stateside when they found out they were pregnant. They hadn’t yet built a community at their new duty station, they were far from their parents, and their home was empty—household goods wouldn’t arrive for another six months.
“I felt especially nervous because we were in a new environment where, at the time, I felt my husband was my only source of support,” said Caitlyn Hazard-Lopez. “As this was my first pregnancy, there was so much uncertainty and so many things I did not yet know or understand.”
Having a baby brings enormous joy and a renewed sense of purpose for many. However, the newborn phase is also one of the most physically and emotionally exhausting periods people will face in their lifetime. These challenges can be compounded by the demands of Army life. Like Lopez and Caitlyn, many new Army parents are far from the support of their extended Family. Training or deployment may take one parent away throughout the pregnancy, and some Soldiers may not be there for the birth or have to leave soon after. While Soldiers and Family members take pride in service and know it comes with sacrifices, new parents especially need support.
“It is very lonely to be raising young children in the military without your best friend and your mom and your sister nearby,” said Amy Nichols, a registered nurse who works for the New Parent Support Program at Fort Belvoir, Virginia. “The military community is strong and we often support each other … but when you’re brand new into it and you’re isolated at home, (it can be) overwhelming.”
The New Parent Support Program is a place where Army Families can build bonds with their baby, get encouragement and find community. Available at no cost Army-wide, including overseas, NPSP serves expectant parents and those who have at least one child age 3 or younger. It offers “Baby Boot Camp” classes, dads’ groups, home visits to help parents prepare for the new baby, breastfeeding help and playgroups, and it also connects Families to other community resources.
Jasmine Williams and her husband, Sgt. 1st Class Daniel Williams, attend the Newborn Network playgroup hosted by the Fort Belvoir NPSP. They mentor younger couples when needed, and in return receive support from the staff and build a sense of community with the other parents. Jasmine is a big proponent of the philosophy that people don’t have to do life by themselves.
“Things are meant to be done together. A lot of times that is actually the easiest way to do it,” she said.
She started a group chat with the other moms from the playgroup, including Caitlyn, and they plan outings, like taking their babies for a stroll at the mall or going to the zoo.
“We are creating a community that can continue outside of this (space),” Nichols said.
Through Family Advocacy Program resources, like NPSP, spouses and Soldiers build their own chosen Families when they are far from their own, said Taneshia Gray, the FAP manager at Fort Belvoir.
“The thing that sustains military Families is community,” Gray said. “(New parents) have gone to these classes and met best friends, or they find people in their neighborhood who are like-minded, and that is one of the things that helps and supports them.”
Having this type of social support network is indispensable for new parents, especially when they feel overwhelmed, their relationship is strained or their mental health begins to suffer during the newborn phase.
“It can lighten the load and help share some of the responsibilities,” said Col. Liquori Etheridge, Deputy Director of Army Behavioral Health Division, Office of the Surgeon General. “If (they’re) having a difficult time, instead of maintaining all the stress and pressure that could be associated with child-caring, having a strong support system (can) help.”
Mental health is an important concern for new parents. Many new moms experience the “baby blues”—which includes mood swings, increased anxiety, sadness and irritability—due to the sudden change in hormones after giving birth. These symptoms normally last about two weeks. When those symptoms become severe, last longer and affect the mom’s ability to take care of their baby, it can be a sign of postpartum depression, Etheridge said.
“They may have feelings or thoughts associated with not being a good mother, and also there may be thoughts about worthlessness, shame, guilt. Some mothers report experiencing thoughts to harm themselves or harm the baby, and they may also experience recurring suicidal thoughts,” Etheridge said.
The mom’s support network—friends, Family, and especially a mother’s partner—can spot these signs and help her get medical care.
“Typically, when we talk about prenatal counseling and treatment, fathers need to be involved in that process. This way, they're educated on (postpartum depression) as well,” Etheridge said. “(They) have a better idea of how to appropriately respond, recognize, and then also respond by seeking treatment if necessary.”
New dads themselves are not immune to the emotional and psychological impacts of having a newborn. They can develop mood and anxiety disorders within a year of a baby’s birth, typically between three and six months, Etheridge said.
“They may also experience symptoms similar to the mother as well, where they’re tired, they feel overwhelmed, anxious, their eating pattern changes, or they also have difficulty with their sleeping pattern,” said Etheridge.
Etheridge said that about 10% to 13% of new fathers experience what is called paternal postpartum depression, and they should also know the signs of it and seek help.
Williams, who has 7-month-old son, Andrew, with Jasmine and an older son in college, understands the unique pressures Army fathers face. He deployed to Iraq when his older son was very young, and he tries to be a source of support for the young dads in the newborn group and the Fathering 4 Life dads’ group at Fort Belvoir.Williams said dads need an opportunity to talk with other dads about their own anxieties about being a good father, providing for their Family and knowing that the Army will sometimes take them away from their Family.
“I know there are guys who feel guilty for going to work every day while their spouse is at home—they want to be there to help out (with the baby),” Williams said. “We’ve all went through that; we’ve all been there.”
Williams said it’s important for dads to take their paternity leave and encourages them to attend the NPSP newborn playgroups and the dads’ groups for support.
Besides helping parents build a support network, a core component of NPSP is helping parents cement a strong bond with their baby, and each other, during the newborn and toddler phase. Building that bond with their partner and their baby early on can increase a Soldier’s confidence in their parenting and ease their fears when they have to be away for work, training or deployments.
Fathers’ and partners’ involvement plays a vital role, ensuring mom and baby and the entire Family functions at their best. Taking a 50-50 mindset has helped Lopez and Caitlyn.
“We need to make sure (our battery is) not completely at zero percent, make sure we are supporting each other during this early stage of life,” Lopez said. “I can notice when (Caitlyn’s) stressed out, when she needs a break, and I immediately just jump in. If I need to feed the baby, I feed the baby. If she needs to take a nap, I let her take a nap—especially at night, if she’s just having a rough night, I take the baby for the rest of the night.”
Lopez took paternity leave and said he tried to think of it not as personal time to play video games or visit Family, but as critical time to bond with Amelia, their 2-month-old daughter, and to support Caitlyn. He recommends other new fathers do the same.
“Take this time to build your Family and set not just yourself, but your Family, up for success,” Lopez said.
Practicing self-care for both parents is also key to their well-being, Etheridge said.
For Lopez and Caitlyn, that meant continuing their daily “Family debrief.” Before their daughter was born, they started a ritual of taking a walk with their dog, Charlie, and talking about their day. They made sure to continue that ritual after Amelia was born.
“We just talk about how our day (was), our hopes and dreams in the future, where we want to go after we PCS,” Lopez said. “Amelia loves the fresh air; it’s just something we enjoy doing with her. So just finding something you can do as a Family, either daily or something weekly—it’s difficult in the beginning—but that’s what really helped us.”
Having the time to bond with Amelia, support Caitlyn and strengthen his Family makes him a more ready Soldier, Lopez said.
“If you want a strong, ready force ready to fight and win our nation’s wars anywhere in the world, you need to have … Soldiers who are just ready to go,” Lopez said. “If your home situation back at home isn’t going great, that Soldier is going to be distracted from the fight.”
“It’s mission first and Family always,” Lopez said.
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