With September coming to an end, so does National Suicide Prevention month. That does not mean we stop caring and checking on people, suicide is not something that subsides just because the month for talking about it is over, it is an ongoing problem that will need addressing.
Many people at one time or another have been either worried about a friend hurting themselves or have wanted to hurt themselves. Unfortunately, it is something that is common in the military. Those same people do not always know where or who to turn to in those circumstances. There are many different resources both in and out of the Army. There are friends to turn to, behavioral health options, and your chain of command. These are all excellent resources, but they are not all confidential since you are talking about hurting yourself. That is not necessarily a bad thing, but if you just want to talk to somebody and have it completely confidential then the chaplains are also a great resource to use.
“First off every resource the Army has to offer is great. We have amazing programs,” said Sgt. Andrew Mingledorff, V Corps chaplains’ plans and operations NCO. “However, as religious affairs specialists and chaplains we do not have reporting requirements, so we don’t have to tell anyone anything regardless of who they are or what they ask. The conversations are strictly confidential. A common misconception from people is they should only see us if they are religious. That is not the case. Many of us actually came into this job to help people. There is not a religious aspect to your help, we just want to see you get the help you need.”
It is not just up to those we care about to come forward with something. It is up to everyone to make sure to stay on the lookout for warning signs and to check in on one another. In some cases, all they need is someone to talk to, someone there who cares about them.
“Some people just want to be listened to,” said Mingledorff. “I am here to bridge the gap between the enlisted and the chaplain. People often see the rank on a chaplain and think they can’t talk to them, so they come to me. If I was in my office, I would talk to them and mainly listen to them. Nobody realizes that most of the time people really just need to talk. I would let them know that I am here and willing to continue our talk, but I would want them to go to the chaplain. I could be there or it could be a one on one since they [the chaplain] are better equipped for working in this situation.”
Chaplains and religious affairs specialists are there to ensure you have somebody to talk to. It is not just for those who are religious; it is for everyone. Mingledorff said he joined because he likes to help people through their problems. Not only are they there to talk, but they are also always checking in and making sure everyone is ok. They are trained in counseling, but its more than that to them, they care and want to see you at your best.
“While there are many other professional care providers, the chaplains are the only ones who have complete confidentiality with zero exceptions,” said Chaplain Lt. Col. James ‘Nathan’ Kline, V Corps deputy chaplain. “That allows us to have the conversations where the service members or their families can be vulnerable and transparent. Some of the things that may show someone at risk is despondency, the sense that things that should be providing meaning and purpose in their lives is missing. We look for apathy, a lack of caring, despair and hopelessness. Life throws us all curveballs, so when we see those at-risk signs that is a red flag, and we can respectfully and carefully ask more probing questions and do it in a way to build that trust. There is no hard and fast formula that lets us know who is and is not at risk. What we do know for certain is healthy relationships of trust both in our personal and professional life, are the most critical. Those provide a fortification against the risk of despair, hopelessness, deep sense of loss, depression, etc. Those relationships are often the most helpful, because they can be the ones who point out that maybe something is a bit off.”
Chaplains are there as valuable resources, but what do they do in these situations?
“I want to reiterate that, at no point during or after the conversation do I have the freedom to share anything we talked about,” said Kline. “I can find more subtle ways to bring individuals closer to the person at risk. Typically, I would ask a person who is thinking about hurting themselves ‘have you shared this with anyone else’? I will never be the person who forces someone to tell anyone else, but I will talk to them about the situation I am then in. I wouldn’t be able to tell anyone else, but I would need to make sure, not just as a military professional or a chaplain but as a person, that they are ok. Normally I end up following up with them in person and checking in on them and having them check in via phone.”
There is a stigma about getting help. Although it is not as bad as it once was, it is still there. If you are looking for someone to listen to what you have to say without judgement and to help you through things, just talking to chaplains or to behavioral health is a great place to start.
“What I would tell any service member is you and I put on this uniform for many different reasons, but one of the most common is we want to belong to something bigger than ourselves,” said Kline. “We want to have an enduring and lasting impact. When it comes to taking care of each other, now and later since veterans are just as much at risk, being mindful of what is in our lives that gives us meaning and purpose is essential. If we don’t know how to answer that question, then we can easily be off course. Taking care of each other is a life mission. We have so many responsibilities in adulthood we tend to lose sight of one another, but what I say to that is a relationship should not be a means to some other end. The relationship is the something else and the end state.”
It is important to remember that you are not alone, you have someone in your corner. If you are having thoughts of self-harm or know someone who is, please talk to someone or call 988 for the suicide and crisis hotline.
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