PRESIDIO OF MONTEREY, Calif. (Aug. 8, 2022) — Army Community Service and BOSS demonstrated how they look out for the well-being of service members Aug. 5 as they teamed up for a workshop on how to establish healthy boundaries.
Hugo Ambriz Tena, Better Opportunities for Single Service members advisor and recreation specialist for PoM Family and Morale, Welfare and Recreation, said the presentation was important because many of the installation’s service members are young and away from home for the first time.
“It’s really important for [service members] to be aware that they have the right to say ‘no,’ or ‘OK, this is too much,’ or ‘Hey, I’m not comfortable with this,’ without having to feel bad or having to feel guilty for not making the other person feel happy,” Ambriz Tena said.
The Presidio is home to the Defense Language Institute Foreign Language Center, which includes service members from all branches of the military. For most, it is their first military assignment after basic training. About 25 service members attended the event at the Hobson Recreation Center, which is home to BOSS headquarters.
Jillian Santillanez, victim advocate for the Family Advocacy Program at Presidio of Monterey Army Community Service, provided service members with free literature on healthy relationships and talked about how to establish boundaries in relationships and other settings.
The idea was to help service members identify their boundaries—whether financial, emotional, sexual or spatial—and work on their communication skills when setting specific boundaries in relationships, Santillanez said.
“We want people to become versed in communicating what their boundaries are in their relationships,” Santillanez said.
Santillanez wrote questions on pieces of paper and had service members write their own anonymous questions that she put into a basket and pulled out to answer and discuss with attendees.
“Some of the questions are difficult,” Santillanez told the service members. “Some of the questions are fun and/or funny, but I wanted you to work on having a discussion on communication and your boundaries—what you want, what you don’t want, what you feel comfortable with.”
Santillanez also spoke about the importance of establishing boundaries with strangers in public. As an example, she recounted how she immediately told a woman who approached her at a gas station after dark to not come any closer.
Alessandra Bassanello, installation SHARP representative, also attended, and said discussions about boundaries can help us not only analyze the behavior of others, but ourselves as well.
Sometimes we do not recognize our own behaviors as unhealthy, and if they are learned behaviors, the chances are that we are displaying those behaviors more than we realize, Bassanello said.
Those who attended said they found the discussion useful.
Airman 1st Class Cristina Dobhrishte, who attended with her husband Jeff, and said she was glad to see the event had a good turnout and believed it would help service members.
“One of the things I think is wonderful about the military today is that you’re no longer being ostracized for seeking mental help or emotional assistance,” Cristina Dobhrishte said. “It’s more, ‘Let’s make sure you’re well within yourself so you can be a better Soldier, Airman, Marine or Sailor for the course that you’re in.”
Jeff Dobhrishte said it is important for young service members to have discussions about boundaries so they can make fewer relationship mistakes.
“It’s good to have a place to talk about what’s healthy, what’s not healthy and your set of boundaries before you wind up in a situation where now you’re in trouble and there’s nothing you can do about it,” Jeff Dobhrishte said.
Social Sharing