'God Reached Down and Protected Me'

By Kari Hawkins, Redstone Rocket StaffJuly 9, 2009

Moments with a Hero
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Relying on God
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For many people, reaching a mountaintop often brings to mind the beauty of a sunset, the promise of a majestic view and the hope for a better future.

But, for Nate Self, a mountaintop symbolizes two starkly different things - the terror of sudden death at the hands of an enemy, and God's promise to be with His followers through the toughest battles.

A West Point graduate and a former Army Ranger captain, Self was at the top of Takur Ghar Mountain in Afghanistan in 2002 when enemy fire killed seven of his fellow Soldiers in a battle that is now known as the Rescue on Roberts Ridge. But he left that mountain knowing that God was with him and his men during the heat of battle.

"Whenever I see a mountain I am reminded of Bull Hill at West Point and reciting Psalm 121 as we climbed it," he said. "The first verse always stuck with me. Whenever I saw mountains that was God reminding me He was there."

Psalm 121, verse 1 reads: "I will lift up my eye unto the hills, from whence cometh my help."

Self spoke about his faith at a luncheon meeting of Young Business Leaders, a faith-based business organization for men, on June 26 at the Huntsville Marriott, and then again at Willowbrook Baptist Church on June 28. He is the author of a book telling about his Ranger experiences, his struggles with post traumatic stress disorder and his faith. The book is titled "Two Wars: A Hero's Fight on Two Fronts - Abroad and Within."

Self's audience of about 200 at the Young Business Leaders luncheon was silent as they listened intently to his story of war. He told them that the symbolism of mountains came to mind for him on Dec. 31, 2001, as he and his fellow Soldiers flew into Bagram, Afghanistan. In the distance, he could see the mountains of the country and they "reminded me that God was telling me He was there."

Self participated in Bible studies with several other Soldiers while in Afghanistan and he saw the group grow in numbers during the months of their deployment.

"When you are in a combat environment and you hear aircraft going down it makes you start to really think about what would happen if that was you," Self said.

"The group started to grow. We had a daily Bible study that was really cultivating these men's hearts. Some of these men had grown up with God. Others were experiencing Him for the first time. We had a revival. God revived in us something very special."

For about three months, Self and his unit did not see the enemy - a fact that was frustrating for the Soldiers.

"We wore the T-shirts of New York firemen and police officers (lost on 9/11) under our uniforms," Self said. "We had a really strong connection with them. We wanted to be the arm of justice for our country and for some reason that never happened.

"Part of our mission was to kill or capture Al-Qaeda top leaders. We never had a chance to do it ... We were there to try to affect an end to it and it was really frustrating to not be able to get it done."

On March 3, 2002, a call came in to the platoon that challenged and forever changed the lives of Self and his Soldiers. A Chinook helicopter had gone down on top of Takur Ghar Mountain, which was an Al-Qaeda strong hold. Self's platoon was called in to defend the helicopter and rescue a captured Navy SEAL.

"We were shot down as well," Self said of the two Chinook helicopters he and his platoon were traveling in. "It was like we fell from the sky. We were ambushed on three sides. I had to crawl over the dead bodies of my men to get out of the helicopter."

The Soldiers fought enemy gunfire for 15 hours in a firefight that is known as the highest-altitude battle ever fought by U.S. troops. With the help of reinforcements, the Soldiers eventually killed off the enemy. Five Soldiers from Self's platoon were killed.

"My Soldiers told me 'Sir, we knew it was bad up there when you cursed. You cursed Jesus Christ," Self recalled.

"It hurt me to know I cursed that name. But then I realized that wasn't what happened. I didn't curse His name. Instead I had called out His name for help. That was a cry for help. When evil men were crowding around us, I spoke the name of Jesus Christ, calling for help."

God helped Self get through that day as well as many others during Self's military career. God was even there when Self turned his back on his faith.

"We know you don't have to call His name for Him to be there for you," Self said. "He is with you in the midst of death. He is with you in the midst of heartache and betrayal. He is with you in the crumbling of your life. He understands suffering that way."

A few years after Afghanistan, Self served with the 101st Airborne Division in Iraq, where he began experiencing nightmares and bouts of paranoia, and he felt separated from God. It was his third deployment into a war torn country (his first was to Kosovo), and it led to his decision to leave the Army to better care for his family.

"My faith was being crowded out by my fear," Self said. "That was evil. The only thing to fear is God in a righteous and respectful manner."

Yet, Self, out of the Army and at home in Texas, continued to struggle with PTSD - even considering suicide - until his wife and family stepped in to stop his downward spiral.

"It was the first time in a year that I got my Bible out of my duffle bag," he said. "I finally told my wife about my experience of combat. I journaled to her and talked to her. And I found specific answers to my problems in the Bible every day.

"God was alive for me at that point when I needed Him the most. God reached down and put His hand on me and protected me."

Self worries about Soldiers who don't have supportive families and God to help them through PTSD issues. He believes the suicide rate among Soldiers has grown because of the lack of support and faith.

"I am completely blessed," he said. "God saved me from doing physical damage, from myself and from things far worse than me.

"I remember calling out to him on that mountaintop. I cried out to Him. No matter how bad it seems, there is hope. He redeemed me and restored me."

Self earned a Silver Star, Bronze Star and a Purple Heart during his service for his country.

Self and his wife live in Texas and have four children. Self continues to work with young Soldiers, focusing on professional and leadership development through personal interaction and online professional forums. Besides speaking to business and church groups, he also works with veterans who are suffering from PTSD. He is leading a project funded by the Army Research Institute to collect the oral accounts of platoon leaders in Iraq and Afghanistan.

"Many people are struggling with thoughts of their self-worth. Your identity shouldn't be placed in sports or job or marriage. It should be in Christ alone," Self said.

"Things of this world are so superficial. Whether you go to church or not, God is real. God is available. He is the ultimate rescuer, the ultimate warrior. He is the only real answer."