By Geoff CarmichaelJune 22, 2018
So, it's been about a year since my last review of the Landstuhl Regional Medical Center urology clinic and let me tell you, if you've never had a cystoscopy done, you haven't lived. Just to recap, my last procedure there was a vasectomy and Dr. William Hilton's hands were incredible. The man is an artist; I haven't had a kid since.
Since then, this clinic hasn't skipped a beat. Dr. Jason Sedarsky and his assistant were the frickin' cat's meow.
The preparation work was gentle and swift, and I don't think I've ever felt so sterilized (besides getting a vasectomy; there isn't a more sterilizing feeling than a vasectomy). The wait time was also short.
The first step is that they pumped me full of some kind of lidocaine lubrication cocktail that made me feel like I needed to pee all the pee. Seriously, gallons of pee. That part felt kind of funny. But I didn't need to pee, so that was a neat little magic trick.
When the doctor came in, I was already playing my relaxation music mix they allowed me to bring. I felt like I was at the spa while listening to "Angels" by Sarah McLachlan. Dr. Sedarsky explained a little about how the procedure would go and then we got started.
Now, I don't know if it was the fact that I was completely numbed up or if the Army Medical Department (AMEDD) down at Fort Sam Houston, Texas, gives these doctors a three month block of instruction on the art of gentleness. This guy must have aced that class because I couldn't feel a thing.
And in the hole he went.
He warned me, but nothing really prepares you for this kind of thing, you know? Okay, I'm calm again. Dr. Sedarsky walked me through the pink walls of my insides with his camera and told me when I needed to relax. It was easy to do while "Hold On" by Wilson Phillips played in the background.
The greatest part of the procedure was when he started extracting the scope right at the part of the song with the epic build up; the drum solo hit at the exact moment I felt the scope leaving my tender exit. It was just like the movie "Bridesmaids" if it took place in a urology clinic.
To my relief, I was notified of a clean bill of health.
Guys, if you ever need work done in that area down below, I've been seen by two different doctors for two different procedures at the LRMC urology clinic and I can honestly say that those medical professionals have carte blanche to practice on me if they ever need a patient. I volunteer as tribute!
Men's health is this clinic's number one priority, but your feelings are a close second.
Capt. Geoffrey Carmichael is an Army logistics officer with the 19th Battlefield Coordination Detachment. Carmichael became an instant celebrity in the Kaiserslautern Military Community after his 2017 social media quest to #GetJohnStamosToTheKMC garnered thousands of views, comments and even a Twitter response from actor John Stamos. A husband and father of four, Carmichael is also the founder of Franny's Friends in the KMC, a non-profit organization that seeks to help parents of children with special needs to network and build friendships through a variety of activities; the organization also partners with the Kaiserslautern Exceptional Family Member Program (EFMP). Carmichael originally posted this review on the Ramstein/KMC Spouses Facebook page on Jun. 20.
A cystoscopy is an outpatient medical procedure that allows a doctor to view the lower urinary tract and to look for abnormalities in the urethra and bladder. To be seen by the LRMC urology clinic, eligible patients must first receive a referral from their primary care managers. For more information on the LRMC urology clinic, visit https://go.usa.gov/xUqkU.