VICENZA, Italy -- Just 11 years ago we didn't even know what they were, but now we hang on to them as though our lives depended on it. Those mini pocket-sized computers, a.k.a. smartphones, are ubiquitous by now, and your children are begging you for one of their own.
You may feel a bit hesitant about handing over such a powerful, and expensive, device to your dear not-so-little-anymore little ones.
First, it's worth reflecting on what your child needs a phone for. If he or she simply needs a phone to keep in touch with you after school, consider an "old fashioned" phone. You know, the ones that are just for calling and simple text messages. Or, there are some "starter" smartphones on the market that limit what children can do with them. But if your child is after the whole shebang, you won't be able to avoid thinking about the real deal.
Unfortunately, it's hard to pinpoint the "right" age when parents should give their children a smartphone. Rather, each family needs to consider all aspects involved and make an informed decision that's right for each individual child.
The biggest smartphone readiness indicator parents should look for is their child's maturity level. Think about all the things your child will now have access to. With the internet, children can see, hear and read anything and everything - and with a smartphone they can do it at any time, on their own, without supervision. Is your child ready for that?
Then, of course, there's social media. Right around the age parents are probably thinking about when to get their child a smartphone just happens to also be when children become so much more involved in their peer group and social circle than they ever were before. Children with their own smartphones can constantly be in the thick of all the text message drama, the Facebook and Instagram posts, and the online discussions. Can your child handle that? Would he or she know how and when to step away?
Having a smartphone also means having constant access to a screen, so screen time is no longer limited to sitting down with larger devices. Think about your family's screen time rules and consider whether introducing a smartphone will throw things off balance.
Thoughtful parents will also want to attach a set of rules and guidelines to any smartphone they give their children. Is your child mature and responsible enough to abide by those rules? What about the school's rules? Does your child's school have usage guidelines and can your child follow them? Has your child learned about responsible media use and is he or she ready to put that knowledge to the test?
Last, but not least, there's a practical consideration: smartphones are expensive, as are the plans that keep them connected. Who's going to pay for it all? And is your child responsible and careful enough to keep track of that expensive device without losing or damaging it?
Decided to take the plunge?
Okay, so you've considered it all and decided your child is ready. Now it's time for you to set the stage for success.
Make sure you set clear rules and guidelines ahead of time, including for such concerns as where the phone will stay at night (hint: the best place is out of the child's bedroom).
You may even want to write up and sign a smartphone "contract" to outline your expectations for how and when your child will use the phone. If your child violates any part of the contract, the smart phone gets taken away for a period of time.
This is also a good time for you to review privacy concerns. Review what kinds of information are appropriate to share and what isn't. Make sure you and your child know how to adjust the privacy settings in the phone, and in any app your child downloads.
Decided to wait?
After thinking about it, you've decided it's just not the right time. First, rest assured that, despite what your child says, you are not the only family who has not handed out smartphones.
Then, do be aware that if your child has many friends who do have smartphones, it can certainly feel like they're being left out of the loop. Help your child find other ways to stay connected to friends. Host a group at your house, orchestrate a movie night, or provide access to a phone for chatting. Seek out communities and strengthen friendships with families that have similar smartphone rules so your children see that they're not the only ones without access to their own smartphone.
Importantly though, be aware that just because your child doesn't own a smartphone doesn't mean that he or she isn't using the internet or social media. Children can access many of the same content through computer and tablets. So don't slack on teaching your children about responsible and appropriate behavior for the digital world.
Finally, either way, remember that children learn so much more by watching what you do than by listening to what you say. Whether you decide to give your child a smartphone or not, let them see you using your smartphone the way you'd like them to use theirs, whenever it is that they get one.
See below for additional resources.
https://www.gse.harvard.edu/news/uk/18/02/when-give-your-child-smartphone
https://www.commonsensemedia.org/cell-phone-parenting
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