FORT LEE, Va. (April 23, 2015) -- Part of this story is about loneliness … the deep-in-the-gut kind that military spouses feel when family and longtime friends are umpteen miles away and the one they love is somewhere off doing his or her "Army thing."
There also are elements of anxiety and isolation, an unpopular duo that accompanies thoughts like "I know nothing about this community or my neighbors" and "will my kids fit in at school and make new friends?"
Linda Harvey is well-acquainted with those feelings. She has performed many military moves over the past 30 years and, as her husband progressed to the senior noncommissioned officer ranks, she became that "experienced shoulder" to lean on when young transitioning families needed positive reinforcement.
"Relocation can be a frightening experience," said the Army Community Service worker who is now in charge of the Relocation Readiness Program at Fort Lee. "I remember the first time my family came down on orders to Germany. My reaction was bordering on panic because I just kept worrying about the difference in culture, not knowing the language, giving up my friends, giving up my job, and so on. I was completely overwhelmed."
Harvey also recalled her period of defiance. There was no rule requiring her to leave her quarters or make new friends. She resolved to stay home, make occasional trips to the commissary or PX for necessities, swing by the fast food joint every now and then for that taste of home, and count the days until they were told to pack up and move again.
"Thank God for my husband because he didn't allow that to happen," she said while noting how spouse sponsors can "make all the difference in the world" by getting their family involved in the community, especially after a military move. "As a noncommissioned officer, he was expected to attend family readiness group meetings and encouraged me to accompany him. It was an eye-opening experience."
But not in the way one would initially assume. At the first meeting, nobody came over to talk to her or welcome her to the group. She left thinking she was unwelcome. The next day, the commander's wife called and that conversation resulted in an invite to lunch where she was encouraged to step forward and extend the hand of friendship to other spouses in the unit. It was the proactive catalyst to greater community involvement she needed.
"I began to realize how I could be a part of helping other military families. If they felt the way I did -- like strangers in their own community -- maybe something as simple as someone coming over and saying 'welcome to the neighborhood' would make all the difference in the world."
Another epiphany of community engagement occurred in 1999 when her family made a permanent change of station move to Mannheim, Germany. What was supposed to be a quick trip to the Army Community Service center to pick up a welcome packet evolved into something much bigger and more thought-provoking than she could have imagined at that time.
"A staff member started talking about all these programs and classes I could take advantage of, and how volunteering would help me gain valuable work experience I could list on my resume," Harvey said. "I was blown away. How did I overlook this before? Was I not paying attention? It's safe to say they caught my interest, and I was immediately on board."
Of the ACS offerings, Harvey immediately took a shine to the Army Family Team Building program. Its compendium of level-one classes includes titles like "Military Acronyms and Terms," "Basic Military Benefits and Entitlements," "Supporting Your Child's Education" and "Introduction to Family Financial Readiness," among others.
"Basically, everything new spouses need to know about living in a military community is right there, and there are two levels above that," said Harvey, who is now an AFTB master trainer. The full list of classes can be viewed at www.leemwr.com/army-family-team-building. "It's just one great example of how ACS can fill that void of uncertainty for an Army Family."
The relocation program she now manages is nothing to sneeze at either. It includes monthly overseas briefings, e-sponsorship application training, citizenship and immigration classes, and a weekly newcomer's briefing every Monday at 2 p.m. in room 125A of the Soldier Support Center.
"This is my bang-on-the-desk moment," Harvey said, partly in jest. "Spouses are welcome and encouraged to attend the overseas briefings and the newcomer's orientations. Sponsors should be emphasizing that fact. These are great sources of information, which usually translates to less stress while preparing for a move or becoming familiar with a new community."
Continuing to think along those lines, Harvey is introducing a new Hearts Apart Coffee Group that will meet on the first Monday of each month at 9 a.m. in the Starbucks Café near the south entrance of the Exchange mall area. Her target audience is those spouses who have loved ones away on temporary duty or deployment, but any others in the community are welcome also, she said.
"There is nothing formal about it," she noted. "I'm just going to be there having a cup of coffee and will chat with anyone who comes over and joins me. Of course, I'm probably going to talk about relocation and ACS a lot, but I'd love to discuss the things I've learned over my past 30 years with the military and to hear new ideas as well. Maybe you know a way of connecting with more spouses through social media or other networks. I would like to hear those ideas."
Harvey also took a moment to discuss the relocation lending closet she operates. Tucked away in a small room at the end of an ACS hallway, its shelves are lined with cooking pots, fry pans, ceramic dishes, drinking glasses, blenders and other small kitchen gadgets.
"This can be a huge benefit to families who are new to the community," she said. "Whether they're waiting on their household goods shipment to arrive or are setting up a military home for the first time, these items can save them time, money and a lot of frustration. It's one less expense and one less trip to the big box store."
Having just returned to the states in January from an overseas tour in Hoenfehls, Germany, where she served as an ACS division chief, Harvey said career and military moves do get progressively easier over time, and it's usually the result of a lot of trial and error.
"There's a well-known phrase, 'if I knew then what I know now,' that definitely applies here," she observed. "I think, over time, you learn how to use the resources that are available to you, which is the point I hope I've made. Use the FRG; use the programs at ACS that are staffed by a lot of current or previous military spouses who have experienced the many challenges of Army life. If it takes some of the stress away, it only makes sense to use the community services that are there to help you."
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