ANSBACH, Germany (April 13, 2015) -- Usually when people consider the effects of alcoholism, they generally examine the behaviors and consequences of the individual with alcoholism and pay less attention to the impact alcoholism has on an entire family. When alcohol addiction is present in a loved one, people usually want to know what they can really do to help.
This commonality in concern makes it difficult for a nonalcoholic individual to understand how their misguided attempts to help a loved one with alcoholism may actually worsen the person's addiction. After all, no one sets out to encourage the continuance of alcoholism in a family member.
How might I be playing a role in my loved one's alcoholism?
There are many direct and indirect ways a nonalcoholic person plays a role in a loved one's addiction. The most prevalent role a family member plays is unknowingly enabling (or encouraging) the addict's drinking.
You may ask, "How would I 'encourage' a behavior I desperately want to end? How am I an enabler?" The answer lies in the destructive behavioral patterns and emotional problems those close to an addict develop as a means to adjust to the progression in the disease of alcoholism. Without realizing it, they may be supporting an addict's drinking behaviors while thinking they are doing the appropriate things.
Enabling with good intentions
Individuals suffering from alcoholism often make decisions that endanger the things they value in life. Their actions may be so destructive that they would not partake in them or approve of them in another person if he or she were sober. Some of these behaviors may include declined work performance, breaking family commitments, harming relationships, spending more money than planned and legal troubles surrounding alcohol use. The awareness of these destructive patterns generally leaves an addict with feelings of guilt and shame.
It is natural to want to relieve a loved one of these painful emotions, so an enabler may begin to cover for the addict. It may start with excuses told to others such as, "He has the flu," when in fact the problem is a hangover. Enabling behavior continues with excuses such as, "He drinks to lessen his anxiety," or, "Drinking helps her to cope with work stress," or, "He began to drink after his mom died. It helps to deal with the grief," or even, "If she were not with him, she would not be drinking." In all of these instances an enabler sees the allowance of alcohol abuse as a helping factor.
"I'm trying to keep our home together."
Responsibilities are often neglected by addicts and later taken on by loved ones. In cases of parents who are addicts, children generally take on responsibilities beyond their years to provide a sense of normalcy and lessen likelihood of embarrassment. These behaviors support the addict's drinking by allowing him or her not to feel the full consequences of drinking.
There are important things for loved ones of alcohol addicts to know, such as:
1. How the disease of alcoholism works;
2. How loving individuals with the best intentions may enable (support) drinking; and
3. How breaking the cycle of enabling comes with challenges, but meaningful long-term rewards for the family.
What can I do to help myself and my family?
1. Educate yourself on addiction.
2. Stop providing financial support to buy alcohol.
3. Allow the addict to experience the consequences of his or her behaviors.
4. Don't take responsibility for the addict's disease.
5. Focus on making your life healthy.
It is often necessary for family members of addicts to seek professional help to discover how they have been affected and what help they might need to recover from the affects of alcoholism. If you are looking for professional resources, call the USAG Ansbach Substance Abuse Program at (commercial) 09802-83-1710 or (DSN) 467-1710. For more support, see the "Related Links" section at right.
Related Links:
The Laundry List -- 14 Traits of an Adult Child of an Alcoholic
Social Sharing