FORT LEE, Va. (Oct. 16, 2014) -- In a previous Traveller column, I discussed the impact of loss, the stages of grief that individuals experience when dealing with it, and briefly mentioned resilience as a coping strategy. This article elaborates on that last point.
In spite of their thoughts or feelings, people generally adapt well over time to difficult life-changing situations and stressful conditions. What enables them to do so? Resilience -- a condition that is strengthened by multiple factors including personal relationships, community support, spirituality (a belief in a greater good) and so forth.
Research has shown that resilience is ordinary, not extraordinary. Notable examples of this include the response of many Americans to the Sept. 11, 2001 terrorist attacks. In more recent history, individuals have witnessed personal and community comebacks from school shootings, bomb attacks, natural disasters and more.
Being resilient doesn't mean a person is immune to sadness, pain or grief. In fact, the road to resilience is likely to involve considerable emotional distress. Furthermore, resilience is not a trait that people have or do not have. It involves behaviors, thoughts and actions that can be learned and developed by anyone.
Combinations of factors contribute to resilience. Many studies show that caring and supportive relationships within and outside the family are a primary factor. Interactions that create love and trust, provide role models, and offer encouragement and reassurance help bolster a person's resilience as well.
Contributing factors also include the following:
• The capacity to make realistic plans and take steps to carry them out.
• A positive view of one's self and confidence in strengths and abilities.
• Skill in communication and problem solving.
• The capacity to manage strong feelings and impulses.
Building resilience requires varying strategies. People do not react the same to traumatic and stressful life events; therefore, an approach to building resiliency that works for one person might not work for another. There are external influences, like cultural beliefs, that also need to be considered. They could impact how a person communicates feelings and is expected to act during times of adversity.
To build or nurture resiliency, consider the following strategies:
Make connections. Good relationships with family members, friends or others are important. Accepting help and support from those who care and will listen is a good way to strengthen resilience. Some people find that being active in civic groups, faith-based organizations or other activities that provide social support can help with reclaiming hope. Assisting others in their time of need also can benefit the helper.
Avoid seeing crises as insurmountable. Nobody can change the fact that highly stressful events happen, but individuals can alter how they interpret and respond to these events. Try looking beyond the present to how future circumstances may be a little better. Don't overlook the moments of "feeling better" … view them as a positive sign of bouncing back.
Accept that change is a part of living. Certain goals may no longer be attainable as a result of adverse situations. Accepting circumstances that cannot be changed can help individuals focus on circumstances that they can alter.
Move toward your goals. First, develop realistic goals, then do something regularly -- even if it seems like a small accomplishment -- to get there. Ask the question, "What's one thing I know I can accomplish today that helps me move in the direction I want to go?"
Take decisive actions. Act on adverse situations as much as possible. Take decisive actions rather than detaching completely from problems and stresses and wishing they would just go away.
Look for self-discovery opportunities. People often learn something about themselves and may find they have grown in some respect as a result of their struggle with loss. Many people who have experienced tragedies and hardship have reported better relationships, a greater sense of strength even while feeling vulnerable, an increased sense of self-worth, a more developed spirituality and a heightened appreciation for life.
Nurture a positive view of yourself. Developing confidence in abilities to solve problems and trusting instincts helps to build resilience.
Keep things in perspective. Even when facing very painful events, try to consider the stressful situation in a broader context and keep a long-term perspective. Avoid blowing the event out of proportion.
Maintain a hopeful outlook. An optimistic outlook enables individuals to expect that good things will happen in their life. Try visualizing what's wanted rather than worrying about what's feared.
Take care of yourself. Pay attention to needs and feelings. Engage in enjoyable and relaxing activities. Exercise regularly. Taking care of one's self helps to keep a mind and body primed to deal with situations that require resilience.
Additional ways of strengthening resilience may be helpful. For example, some people write about their deepest thoughts and feelings related to trauma or other stressful events in their life. Meditation and spiritual practices help some build connections and restore hope.
In conclusion, I offer this quote by author C. Joybell, "The person in life you will always be with the most is yourself. What kind of person do you want to wake up in the morning with? What kind of person do you want to see at the end of the day before you fall asleep? Because that person is yourself, and it's your responsibility to be that person you want to be with."
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