Spouse encourages others to embrace military lifestyle

By Julie Fiedler, Fort Riley Public AffairsFebruary 8, 2013

Spouse encourages others to embrace military lifestyle
(Photo Credit: U.S. Army) VIEW ORIGINAL

FORT RILEY, Kan. -- Denra Riley has come a long way since her husband joined the Army 12 years ago.

"We were young. I didn't know anything about the Army," Riley said.

The military spouse, originally from Mount Clemens, Mich., described sitting in the food court in Germany, their first duty station, and having her husband draw ranks and quiz her on them. Today, Riley is a master trainer and helps new spouses learn the ropes by teaching Army Family Team Building, or AFTB, classes.

"I'm very supportive of the AFTB program, especially if (spouses are) new to the Army," Riley said. "That's where you're going to learn the things that you need to learn."

Riley has embraced military life and thinks her role as a spouse is an honor.

"People look up to the military and they think of their heroes -- and to be part of that is pretty neat," she said. "It's an honor to be a part of that. It's special to me."

As a military spouse, Riley loves the opportunities to travel and have new experiences, as well as the lifelong friends she's made in the Army.

From travel to Tricare, Riley encourages fellow spouses to take advantage of the benefits of military life.

"Embrace the military lifestyle to the fullest," Riley said. "That includes your benefits, that includes the benefit of being able to travel."

"If (spouses) embrace it enough, then they'll never be alone," she said. "That's something that I always worry about is that spouse that sits in the house and doesn't have any friends and doesn't get why (the Soldier) is leaving for deployments or (temporary duties) or what (the Soldier) even does."

Riley also encourages spouses to talk with their Soldiers.

"Talk to your spouse," she said. "It's important to have that communication."

Even as a seasoned military spouse, Riley admits feeling lost when her Family arrived at Fort Riley in August 2012.

"Every unit we've been with is always structured differently," she said. "I was so confused … I wasn't sure how I fell in as a spouse."

But Riley plugged in to the community quickly. In addition to picking up her volunteer efforts with AFTB, she also volunteered at the Army Family Action Plan conference last fall and is a volunteer with Our Community Spouses' Club of Fort Riley, where she is helping transition the club from an officers' spouse organization to a fully merged all-ranks club.

In addition to volunteering, Riley is a mother to two children: Kayleigh, 10, and Ian, 6, and she's pursuing an online associate degree -- all while her husband is deployed.

"Especially during deployments it's so important for me to stay busy and keep my kids busy," Riley said. "Now that they're older, they understand that Daddy's gone and so it's important to keep their minds off of that."

Riley may seem like a super spouse, but she said she is reluctant to make such a claim herself.

"It's tough to talk about myself like that," Riley said. "It's never about me."

But Riley has been thrust in the spotlight recently by being voted Military Spouse of the Year for Fort Riley. The Military Spouse of the Year program, founded by "Military Spouse" magazine, started with multiple nominees at each installation across all branches of service. Another vote will narrow the installation winners to one spouse per branch. A final selection will name a single spouse as Military Spouse of the Year across all branches of service.

"Winning this -- being Fort Riley's Military Spouse of the Year -- is interesting," she said. "I don't mind when people want to thank me. But it's something that I almost feel like I want to give back and don't need recognition for."

Riley recalled several senior spouses who took her under their wings when she was a new spouse. Now she wants to pay it forward.

"They were just wonderful leaders to me," Riley said. "I promised to make sure to carry that on. That's why I (volunteer) because I want to make sure that there are spouses that are getting taken care of … if I can reach one person, that's important enough to me."

Riley also said she makes a point to take care of herself.

"I exercise every morning as much as possible. That may actually be my guilty pleasure because that's my own time and I don't have to think about anybody else, she said.

"I (also) take at least an hour every night to myself to unwind and relax a little bit after tucking the kids in and getting them to sleep."

Riley and her husband Chris met in high school and married after he finished advanced individual training. Today, their Family lives in Milford, Kan., and her husband, a sergeant first class with Headquarters and Headquarters Company, Special Troops Battalion, 1st Sustainment Brigade, 1st Infantry Division, is on his fourth deployment. Riley hopes to earn a bachelor's degree and become a juvenile intake officer.