VILSECK, Germany - Spouses and families of the 2nd Stryker Cavalry Regiment may be ready for their Soldiers to come home, but how many are mentally prepared for the reintegration process' If you're one of the ones that plan on winging it, this information is for you.
According to Dr. Jerome Peters, Bavaria Medical Department Activity behavioral health provider, spouses and families should emotionally prepare now for their Soldier's homecoming, to include keeping expectations low.
"You should really keep expectations very simple for the first two or three months," he said. "The Soldier that is returning is going to try his or her best to acclimate to once again being around a family, being around a spouse and being around children, but it's going to take awhile to be involved in the daily routines. All of this is alien to the Soldier."
Keeping it simple should start from the very beginning of the Soldier's homecoming and as tempting as it may be, Peters recommends against throwing a big party to welcome the Soldier home.
"Every Soldier that comes back would probably like to have balloons and a little party to say thank you for your service, but at the same time you don't want to sit there and smother them," he said. "Let them have time to adjust to you and their family...to the fact they're not in Afghanistan. Initially, you should plan on quiet times together and then you can meet all the relatives."
Although the spouse may be eager to share some of the burden of home life such as paying the bills, cleaning the house and shuttling the kids to practice, he recommends giving the Soldier some time to diffuse and setting a date to officially "join the family" again.
"I'd say to the Soldier 'I think you probably need some time to just diffuse and I don't want you to do anything. If you want to build model cars or shoot hoops, that's fine, but then set a date'," Peters said. "You've got to report to duty as a father, as a husband, as a mother, as a wife. We're not going to pick up where we left off; we're going to pick up from here."
He said that setting a date will help the Soldier understand what's expected of him or her and they're used to working with deadlines in the military. He also said it will give the spouse some time to observe the Soldier to see if there are other problems, like trouble sleeping.
"We all have bad days, but I think the hallmark thing to look for - especially with returning Soldiers - is poor, non-restorative sleep," he said. "A lot of this is that their brains are still in combat mode. The brain is a very powerful radar system for our whole body...sometimes it doesn't register that we're in a safe environment after having been in a very unsafe environment for 12 to 15 months. It doesn't click off."
Poor sleep can lead to a host of other problems to include: problems making decisions; headaches; trouble remembering things; irritability that leads to anger; and anxiety. However, Peters said it's really multiple symptoms that you should worry about, not just one.
"Sleep may be an issue, but that doesn't mean that they have post-traumatic stress disorder," he said. "It doesn't mean they have blast exposure."
In the event the Soldier is showing multiple signs, he recommends contacting Behavioral Health because there may be underlying issues causing the problems. He also said not to take it personally if the Soldier doesn't want to talk to the spouse about the problems they're having.
"Most of the Soldiers don't want to burden their wives or loved ones with what they've experienced," Peters said. "It's not that they don't trust you, it's that they don't want to burden you with their trauma.
That's where the Behavioral Health staff can help."
Overall, the best thing spouses and families can do to prepare for their Soldier's return is keep it simple.
"Take it easy, take it slow, take time to honeymoon and take time to get to know each other," he said. "Ease into the role of family, of spouse and the demands of family life."
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