Surrogate mother: Army couple gives gift of life

By Jeff Crawley, Fort SillDecember 5, 2013

Surrogate
(Photo Credit: U.S. Army) VIEW ORIGINAL

FORT SILL, Okla. (Dec. 5, 2013) -- After completing their family with two children, Fort Sill Army wife Leigh Hansbarger wanted to become a surrogate mother. And Leigh's husband, Lt. Col. Tom Hansbarger, Field Artillery proponency officer, was fully supportive.

Leigh fulfilled her goal in October, when she had a baby girl.

Leigh first learned about the need for surrogate mothers only after she had suffered a miscarriage.

The Hansbargers had had their first child Molly, now 3, when Leigh, who was unaware she was pregnant, had a miscarriage. On her subsequent research about miscarriages, Leigh learned about many women who couldn't have children.

"I saw all these women struggling with infertility, it was heartbreaking," said Leigh, wiping away tears. She said she felt guilty because she was so lucky to be able to conceive easily.

"I said to him (Tom), 'I want to do this for somebody,'" Leigh recalled. "He was awesome. He said: 'if you want to do this I will support you 100 percent.'"

She and Tom agreed that when they were through having children, Leigh could become a surrogate mother.

They had one more child, David, who is almost 2.

RED TAPE

Oklahoma doesn't have surrogacy laws so Leigh couldn't find an agency or medical center to help pair her with a client even though she was not seeking any compensation, she said.

Online, Leigh quickly found Carrie in California who was looking for a gestational surrogate (using Carrie's embryo).

Leigh and Carrie easily bonded through e-mails and phone conversations.

"There was an instant connection," Leigh said. "She's my sister from another mister."

After talking with lawyers and going through the legal paperwork, Leigh had the embryo transfer in February. "On Valentine's Day I found out that I was pregnant with her baby," she said.

On another visit to the clinic in California, the baby's heartbeat was confirmed on a monitor. The dad was there crying and taking pictures of the screen and Carrie was crying, too, Leigh said.

Then Leigh returned to the Hansbarger home at Fort Sill.

"The amount of trust that they put into me, being states away to keep their baby safe, was really overwhelming," Leigh said.

The pregnancy went well, Leigh said. Still, Tom had to give her hormone shots nightly for the first nine weeks.

In September, Leigh returned to California, five weeks before the due date to ensure the baby was born there. If the baby had been born in Oklahoma, Carrie would have had to adopt the baby and pay $30,000 in court costs, Leigh said. The Hansbargers stayed with a couple that they knew from a previous assignment in California.

BIRTH DAY

After Leigh went into labor she [JUMP]was in the delivery room with Tom ready to give birth, however, Carrie and her partner were stuck in Friday rush-hour traffic hours away.

"I literally had to hold their baby in for an hour for them to see the birth," Leigh said. "That's probably the hardest thing I've ever done."

The baby girl was born Oct. 18, 10 days early from the due date. She weighed 7 pounds, 14 ounces and was 19-inches long.

"She (Carrie) was so excited and she cut the (umbilical) cord," Leigh said.

It wasn't hard to give the baby away, Leigh said. "It's like extreme babysitting. Like if you borrow something from a friend you want to take really good care of it because you want to give it back in perfect condition."

FAMILY REACTION

Leigh said her mother initially expressed concerns about the health risks associated with pregnancy.

"Once we got toward the end of it and things we looking really good, she said, 'I kind of feel we're having a grandchild, but not," Leigh said. "They (her parents) were excited for me, and I think they we proud to see me ... paying it forward."

Leigh said if she were younger she probably would be a surrogate mother again, "but I'm done -- retired from active service baby business."

Tom said he felt a deep sense of relief.

"We said our family was going to have two kids, and fortunately we were able to do that," he said. "This was one last thing that she wanted to do, and I'm glad she had the opportunity."

Leigh highly recommended being a surrogate mother for any woman who is thinking about it.

"It is so rewarding to know that you gave a family to somebody," she said.

Editor's note: Leigh told the story of Tom's support for a contest; they won a trip to the Bahamas. To view Leigh's winning video, see www.youtube.com/ watch?v=tjP9hjEEqkbc2ca407b5e155bb2a200b91a3c3d88dd16f5265f1b5e5e069e8b76a25b49597365f6ea03d880c8e0ef52690eaa02e908eb594739400c6dea6319b45c2b0db03feature=youtu.be.