Class teaches 100th MDB Soldiers how to perform 'hardest duty'

By Maj. Laura Kenney (SMDC/ARSTRAT)May 5, 2011

Grave & flag cropped
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COLORADO SPRINGS, Colo.- "Without the help of our Casualty Assistance Officer, we wouldn't have survived that period after my son's death. Without someone guiding us through the steps, helping us get answers to questions we didn't even know how to ask - I don't know what we would have done."

These words were spoken by Gold Star mother Estelline Miller, regarding the long-term help offered by the Casualty Assistance Officer who was tasked to assist her family after the death of her son, Staff Sgt. Justin Miller. She offered the comment during her presentation as part of a class being taught to the 100th Missile Defense Brigade (Ground Based Mid-course Defense) on casualty notification and casualty assistance.

The class was taught by Jean Graves of Fort Carson's Casualty Assistance Center April 13-14 at the headquarters of the brigade here. Soldiers including and above the rank of sergeant first class, captain or chief warrant officers two may be called upon to act either as the notifying officer or the assistance officer. Notification officers are paired with chaplains to deliver the initial message. Assistance officers work alone. Each duty is separate and distinct, and carries with it its own burden of gravitas and honor.

"As the Casualty Notification Officer, you are representing the Secretary of the Army when you inform the next of kin that their loved one has died," Graves said. "As such, you embody the Army, the reason why that Soldier has died, so you have to be prepared for a range of emotions in response. Anger is not uncommon, nor is blame. How you carry yourself and how well or ill you perform this duty, one of the hardest duties a Soldier can perform, will form a lasting impression on this Soldier's family, so it behooves you to do it to the very best of your ability."

Miller said she was not overly impressed by how she was notified of her son's death.

"The CNO was very intent on reading his script to me, he did not have it memorized, and he wanted to read me every word. I had three children in the military, and two sons deployed to Iraq, so all I wanted to hear from him was, 'which son'' instead of being read to from a piece of paper."

After that initial hurdle however, she said the team was kindness itself. They very patiently and kindly allowed her to show them every picture of Justin she had, because, "they weren't leaving the house till they knew who my boy was. And by the time they left, they did," she said.

Justin's father lived in New York, and his sister, an Army captain, was stationed at Fort Lewis, Wash. Miller had nothing but praise for the fact that all three were notified within minutes of each other. "That was extremely professional of the Casualty Mortuary Affairs Operations Center," she said.

"His brother already knew. In one of those odd little fortunes of war stories, which was a blessing in its own right, my two boys had met up in Iraq for the very first time ever on a deployment. They talked, and the older one, Nathan, told the younger how proud he was of him, also a first between the two of them. Then they separated, and, half an hour later, Justin was killed by an improvised explosive device. Nathan heard about it on the radio, and knew it was his brother's team. Soon afterwards, his captain came and told him that his brother had died.

"Nathan called me from Iraq, and said, 'Mom, I have Justin, and I will be bringing him home,'" Miller said. "And he did."

The Casualty Assistance Officer picks up after the notification has been done. The service member who is tasked with this duty is put on orders for 180 days, and his or her primary place of duty is with the family, taking care of them and assisting them through the often labyrinthine twists of military customs and benefits.

"As the CAO, you might be the very last military member this family or spouse has involvement with. After you are done, they might never see another Soldier. So it's your obligation to represent the Army to the highest level of honor possible," Graves said.

Funerary honors are often complicated, and the CAO guides the family through them. If the death occurred in theater, an escort is provided for the deceased Soldier - from exiting the country through the burial - so he or she is never alone. The family is enabled to meet their loved one both upon entry into Dover Air Force Base, Del., and again upon arrival at the chosen place of internment.

"Justin grew up in a small town in New York, and had been quite the football player there, so practically the whole town turned out for him. About 1,200 attended his funeral," Miller said. "He had been Special Forces, so between our CAO and his Special Forces buddies, they made sure his funeral was done properly and the way he would have wanted it. Justin died in an instant, but he had lived for 27 years, and we celebrated that."

After the funeral, the intricate work of filing for military benefits begins.

"The survivor is still so stunned by grief that they really need the CAO there to basically chauffer them to and from appointments, talk them through the process of these sometimes complicated forms, and be there with them every step of the way. Just the understanding of how the military works that the CAO provides is invaluable," Graves said.

And sometime after the funeral and the paperwork, the personal effects of the deceased Soldier arrive, which are personally delivered by the CAO to the next of kin.

"This can be a very emotional moment for the family, and it's important for the CAO to be there, to explain and comfort," Graves said.

At some point, all the paperwork has been filled out, and the family has probably begun to function on its own again. The CAO is not released from his or her duty until the Casualty Assistance Center verifies that their services are no longer needed.

"Our CAO became a part of our family, and he calls me on every anniversary of Justin's death. I don't know what we would have done without him. He is a good and gentle man," Miller said.

Miller was recently elected president of the Pikes Peak Gold Star Mothers of America.

Graves ended the class with the comment, " I know that none of you sitting here taking this class and getting your certificates today want to ever get that call assigning you for either one of these duties. But I will tell you, the majority of our CNOs and CAOs have come back to us telling us they were glad they could do it, glad they could be there for this final, hardest duty."

Related Links:

Casualty and Mortuary Affairs Operations Center